compelled

I feel like yet another overwhelming moment again, where I feel like bursting and telling the entire world about my thoughts.

It suddenly dawned upon me, more clearly and stronger than ever before about my existence here on Earth. My mission here is to do nothing but the works for God and I WANT to do it. This doesn't mean that I'd definitely be in missions or work in a church, or the stereotypical evangelistic stuff. No. This means working for God in the everyday aspect of my life. Whichever field of work I'm engaged in, the people that I'd meet, the experiences I'd encounter, I want to be a testimony for God and touching the lives of many people. Amen!

I really want to win people over for Christ and let them develop a deeper relationship with Him. I don't want a superficial understanding of God, I want people to enjoy the relationship that I share with Him. I don't want a kind of relationship where despite knowing who God is, one continually and consciously sins against Him. I don't deny some sins are harder to overcome or even to detect, but once we decide to embark on a closer journey with Jesus, all things will be revealed in good time. The relationship that I share with God is one that is loving, kind, peaceful, understanding and respectful, and not one that is full of fear, guilt and anger that many people may have a misunderstanding of.

Many think God is an angry God, when in fact, much of the fear and guilt from our mistakes arises in us, and the delusion that God will remain angry with us forever. While God forgives us of our sins even before we commit them, we are often harsh on ourselves, refusing to forgive ourselves and running away from God in the process, which makes Him so sad! God looks only looks at our hearts, our motives and not our actions (that may be contradictory to what we really feel). When we are truly repentant, God's love and forgiveness absolutely overflows. Well, it might seem so textbook, but that's what I've experienced many times over and it remains a mystery to me how His Love is so powerful and incomprehensible, and yet I love it!

I thank God for giving me so many opportunities in life, and blessing me with so many gifts, talents and skills, so much more than I could ever ask for. Most importantly, I really thank God for drawing me back to Him so closely once again. I love you Lord, and I pray that many more will learn to love You too. Amen.

-C-

Thoughts @ work

Haha this is a Sunday and I am stuck here at work, but not too bad at least I can catch up on work and also slow down the pace of my weekend and think through things. The past few months have been great, C has a job now and I took a break from my daily work because I was participating in an exercise and was asked to attend a course straight after the exercise. Thank God for the much needed break.

I am really so proud of C that she has grown so much spiritually over the past few months, not only I have seen her develop a deeper faith in God, but I have also seen her helping others with so much zest. For one, I know I am not the type of person to sit down and talk to someone that I am barely close to for one hour straight in the first sitting to comfort and offer advice on school stress. But C could and the recipient S was greatly blessed. Additionally, C has also been thinking about which ministry God wants to put her in, for me I think God has already put her or installed her into that ministry already. Just that she would have to find the correct age group to minister to.

For the month of nov and dec it is going to be busy. There would be a teachers' advance on the last week of nov and I have to work every sunday for the whole month. But I will take it in my stride. Then I would be going for a mission trip in Dec to Khon Khaen Thailand. Hopefully in between I would be able to complete my training upgrade so that I can get this burden off my mind.

Lastly, I just want to appreciate C for all the support she has given to me all these years. I believe tat we have many more years to spend together and we will be able to create a bright and exciting future together. It is just so amazing how we can make each other laugh just by looking at each other. And also all the silly things we do. Just the other day I was standing on the mrt while C was sitting down. And I was making funny faces at her. Hahaha the guy beside C was trying so hard to control his laughter that it was so hilarious. This is just one of the many examples. Haha ok that is all for now, looking forward to meet C for dinner tonight.

hmm!

I was about to post a post entitled "Tales of a Bitchy Kind" when I hesistated and resisted against it. Thou shalt not be bitchy in real life and in the virtual world.

The end. :)

plink plonk!

The day started out like this......

"One sunny day, Chum and Num decided to go out for a nice date out. They reached the bus stop when Chum realised she forgot to bring her wallet along. Chum felt very silly that they had to miss the bus and decided to walk back home to retrieve her wallet. A few steps later, Chum decided that Num should wait for her while she hurriedly walked back. Num turned back and Chum carried on speed-walking.

Suddenly, there was a strong gust of wind and Chum got a shock when something fell right in front of her. It was a bamboo pole with 2 pieces of clothing. Chum was in quite a shock yet at the same time felt calm that she was unhurt. She immediately called Num and was relieved that she told Num to wait for her at the bus stop. Num could have been hurt by the falling bamboo pole! Chum collected her nerves and went about her task, meeting Num later at the bus stop. Num later revealed that he had felt thirsty and was glad that Chum had told him to wait for her, so he could get a drink at the nearby convenience store."

I was at the left most of the photo (on the pavement) when the accident happened. It landed literally centimeters away from me and I just thank God that it didn't strike me, and that N didnt follow me back or he might have been hurt too. Phew! Anyway N and I decided to lunch at the hawker near our old JC and visit our teachers. Unfortunately it was examination time and we couldn't contact our Geog teachers in the staff room but we got trippy with a nostalgic tour around our old school and managed to meet friends / teachers of ours. It was gossip-update galore for me - I'm utterly 'ace' at keeping up with old sec sch mates, primarily because I had a tough time in school, so it was quite a bombardment of stories (of shotgun / married friends, etc). I suddenly feel very normal and well-behaved like a little angel. mehhhhhhhh.

happiness can be found...

in a pair of clean birks. hohoho :D

i feel...

quite proud of myself that i'm not feeling hungry even though dinner was just hot tea and 2 doses of po chai pills.

*snigger*

but yes, i suspect i've a bout of food poisoning or something.
crazy diarrhea, achy joint pains, weak muscles, stomach pain, headache. even lying down was a painful event. i couldn't shower without cringing - tender skin / touchy nerves. :(

wait before u read on, pls make sure u're not eating, haven't eaten or thinking about food just yet.

...so all that on a saturday night - sunday and i still went to church :D
so anyhooo i shall document the madness that happened on saturday night.

12+ am - went to bed.
3.15 am - realised i knew i was sleeping (hate that feeling!) and felt super thirsty. my brain was super active and kept thinking of illogical things. couldn't stand it and decided to drink water. tried to continue 'sleeping'. sharts are not funny.
4.15am - gahhhh over-active brain was making me sleep terribly and i decided to wake up. read a bit of the Bible, prayed, sang some songs and tried to sleep again. sharts are so not funny.
4.45am - lights out!
7.30am - i managed to sleep! was wondering whether to still go to church since i felt like crap. refer to ailments as above. but i thought to myself, 'if i'm at home and i feel equally terrible as i would outside, shouldn't i just go out instead?' i thought i'd be able to bear with the pain and miserableness. sent an sms to N to ask if he was awake.
8 am - finally managed to talk to N and told him abt my terrible night. his instinct was a spritual attack. so was mine before i called him. but i still decided to go to church since there was a peace in my heart in my semi-awake state at night when i told myself to get to church.

the day went on and my physical condition was no better. i winced when i stood or sat for more than 1/2 hour. i couldn't even queue up for 15 mins for my wanton mee at mei ling hawker centre. (must try ok!!)

finally managed to get home at 4pm and dozed off despite a wedding taking place downstairs. felt much better at 7pm and ate a cob of corn for dinner. felt like puking halfway.

next morning (today - monday) - achey joints / weak muscles were gone and was just left with a headache. thought i was free from diarrhea and absentmindedly drank milk AND yakult. so smart uh. went for lunch with N at smith street food ctr and that's when the trouble started. my stomach started bubbling about and i was so uncomfortable. NOT GOOD. But i thought it was pretty tolerable and we went to check out the library at esplanade where the bubbling got worse.

k this post is getting pretty damn long. so basically i had 2 emergency toilet breaks within a span of 2 hrs from each other, i found out that toilet bowls make some sounds more audible that may lead to embarrassing moments *lol*, i gulped down 2 doses of magical po chai yin courtesy of my knight in a bunny suit and now i feel better. yay.

i just need a corgi, munchkin kitty and a bunny right now.

snippety snip

Hair today, gone tomorrow! Was sick of my shaggy, heavy do and opted for a layered look. Happy with the results and will be going back to my newly-found hairdresser. :D

I'd probably go back more often since it doesn't pinch my pocket too much. Yay!

Yay! Blogger has decided to work again!
Presenting... The innards of my trusty old hairdryer.the fan blades (plastic tsk!) have completely broken to pieces and rendered my hairdryer useless. :(

it was quite fun whacking the mesh (grey bit with the hole) out of the hairdryer though. took me a small saw, screwdriver and metal ruler to finally get it out :P

:(

Why can't I post any pictures on my blog?!
The blogger interface is all wonky.

Thoughts

I am really impressed with the long post that C has just written. A very well written and deep expression of what's on her mind. I understand that it is difficult and hard to face all that she is facing now. I really admire her mental fortitude sometimes when I see her facing all that she has to in school. The long hours, the unappreciativeness from the tutors and even the emotional stress from wondering whether the work would be up to the tutor's standard. But I guess that phase is over now, and she can look forward to other stuff.

Anyway, we have just came back from our KL trip where it was food and shopping and more food and shopping. Haha think we expended more energy walking around the shopping centre than anything else. And we also did the touristy stuff of taking 1001 photos of the Petronas towers. But the structure was really nice. Oooo Dvds are really cheap in M'sia. Bought a few shows that I wanted to watch but did not have the time and patience to download. There was the japanese anime Skycrawlers. The action sequence is really good better than top gun.

Now about the good food, the chicken wings at Jalan Alor is really good. The skin melts in your mouth with the magical seasoning that is just so shiok. Plus the chilli sauce is really magical dunno what they added to the stuff. It is like dope. I am so going back to KL to get my chicken wing fix. Additionally, M'sia got A&W hahaha. Root Beer Floats in glass mugs just rocks!!! What more can I say. KL is really food paradise.

overwhelmed

There's lots of things in my mind right now. I'm thinking about architecture and the discipline I've been involved in for 6 years. I'm thinking about my relationship with N, and thinking about why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. I'm thinking about God and what He wants me to be. I'm thinking about my family, and what I can do for them. I'm thinking of my future, where a huge foggy cloud hangs in front of me.

:(

I feel like I'm going to burst with all this thinking.

Just had a lunch meet-up with my former year2 tutor, RT, along with M and B of MIBCE fame. Anyhooo, I was unsure what we were going to chat about, having not seen him since graduating from yr2 and him going back to NZ. I honestly hated the life in school. I was unsure what architecture was, and the proper way to go about it. Design was all subjective, there wasn't any hard and fast rule, and some tutors left the students with more questions than answers with no shred of motivation. But thinking about it, I now feel that perhaps this is what God wants to have me learn. I've always rested on having sure knowledge, right answers, and was pretty successful in the rote-learning method. Answers came from books, teachers, notes and countless exam papers.

Architecture and design on the other hand, hold no hard and fast rule. Comments come from every direction, some are constructive, some to purposely question your conviction with the design, some to demoralise you, and others to say "yes". As an adult (no more spoon-feeding huh!!), you were held to be able to make your own judgements and see your ideas through. But being so naive and blur, sometimes we're led onto the wrong track, and having been brought up in "yes/no" methodology for more than a decade, it's a hard smack in the face. Of course my grades weren't as fantastic as I hoped it would have, but without this strenuous course to break me down, I don't think I would be able to reflect as much if I were somewhere else. Yes I've realised this after graduating, but it's not too late for some motivational revelation, no?

Architecture school does not just teach you about architectural design. Hmm what do I actually remember from school? Not much theoretical knowledge, my mental calculations have drastically deteriorated, but it has shaped me to what I am today. The stress faced in school is legendary and phenomenal. Friends from other faculties hear stories about our life and are able to emphatise with us on a superficial level, before they go back to their books books and more books, and maybe some projects here and there. Your endurance boundaries are pushed, emotions stretched to inhuman limits, and you start to wonder "If yr 2 can be this stressful, what more about yr 4?!" My friend, it is possible to endure 4 years in aki school, and more.

What made me realise this possibility is the presence of great friends. True friends that provide moral support despite the competitive nature of the course, friends that see you cry, see you smile and see your grossly distorted face after you nap flat on the table. I'm terribly thankful of them, and thankful that God has set our paths to meet and merge. I thank God that yes, although I can honestly say that architecture is not my true passion, but architecture is and was the best opportunity for me to be shaped according to His plans, and meet the people I now know.

Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing to encounter really crappy tutors, for they made the ones who mattered really shine through; and for the better tutors I had, the best I could ever have. These tutors - possibly as few as the number of eyes I have on my face, were the ones where I feel I've learnt something tangible and practical to my development as an architecture student. It made architecture alive, something to understand, something to love. I guess I do love architecture, I love spatial experiences, and how it has trained me to think - from details (not terribly good at) to macro-level intangible things - economics, social behaviour, politics, blahhhh - why things are done the way they are, and how there's more than meets the eye. So yah. I've been through lots of ups and downs, having signed myself up for architecture school in the past, without a hint of knowledge what was to come, and survived the most tremendous stress I can ever think of.

Of course architecture school would not have been possible without my dear N. He was the one who suggested I switch my choice from geography to architecture - well I'm not really blaming him, am I? :P He's seen my worst, and my sweetest, my ugliest - pimples, eyebags galore, and my most spiritually emptiest. (Forgive my confounded grammar.) We've been through A LOT. From our juvenile relationship, it has blossomed into something deeper and more meaningful. He's pointed out my weaknesses, provided encouragement whenever I felt immensely depressed, and laughed with me when I'm on top of the world. I've endured (yes endured!) his trials at home, provided any help I could even though it was emotionally distressing for me. For what reason, I don't quite know. That's the meaning of love, perhaps? N's stint in law school has made him profoundly philosophical and rhetorical - which can be really annoying to some, but which I find has expanded his and our scope of perspectives on life. There's no hard and fast rule to lots of things, and our conversations have become more thought-provoking and less superficial. Nothing is as fixed as it seems. Hmm sounds quite like architecture huh. This only makes me convinced that it's been planned.

It makes me feel really annoyed when I encounter really narrow-minded people. Society has been driven for nothing but success. Success has no other meaning but material wealth and social status. People are getting emptied - spiritually and socially. Friends and relationships are lost because everyone is so caught up with themselves. It's all about me me me!!!

"I'm angry with you, because you hurt me! I'm going to break us apart because I shall harbour the bitterness in my heart and not learn to forgive."

"I shall love, because I know I'll receive something in return. So if I get nothing, sorry~ love's gone."

It's basically a one-sided love affair. I feel sad that people close to me have become this way. Family especially. :( I don't deny I'm absolutely free from this selfish mentality, but after knowing God and believing in Him, I feel compelled to live life the way He planned, where the "normal" which society has accepted, is abnormal in His terms! It's difficult, and I've particularly struggled with it over the past few days because the hurt has lingered around for too long.

I want success to be with nothing else but God. I want to grow with Him and make His prophesy true. I want to be the messenger of faith, peace and healing that He's planned for me. But I know the only obstacle for me right now is my transformation. To overcome my own bitterness and resolve the hurt that's been residing and growing in me for the past decade. I want to learn to forgive, which I learnt, is not about forgetting - but to learn to "let go of the person's neck". I want to challenge my shy personality and let my compassion overflow. It's a struggle I face, partly because I'm behaving the way society acknowledges, and my own fear of failure. :( I also want to know the ministry I've been planned for and be able to make a positive change with the people around me.

Woah, I've typed nearly 1300 words. 0_0
But it feels good to let it all out. :)

:D

if i were to have a dog in the future...

it'll most likely be a corgi pupoooooo!!

observe..

the stubby stumpy paws, the rubby tummy body and the alert pointy ears. what's there not to love? :D

All Stitched Up

I just had my tooth implant operation yesterday. It was a simple procedure of screwing some piece of metal into my gum. At least it did not feel as scary as the tooth extraction. Haha so it is baby food or old man food for the next few weeks or at least until I remove my stitches. Thanks dear for accompanying me to the dentist to give me moral support, honestly I was more scared of this than the operation I had last time to sew up my forehead hahaha. Dunno why, perhaps it was that scary dentist who traumatised me when I was young during my root canal treatment. Anyway the treatment involved cutting open a flap of my gum, screw the metal base of the implant into my gum bone, and then adding some cement and bone fragments to stimulate bone growth there. So now the onus is on my body to produce bone at that area, so I must drink more soya milk or calcium. No cow milk becos the bone fragments used is extracted from cow bone, so there maybe an issue of tissue rejection. Haha so now I got moomoo implants in me. Anyway I am just glad that it is all over and I can just rest and concentrate on recovering.

Haha and to coincide with this is the long weekend, well not so long since I would be working on monday but then at least it is a complete weekend. Perhaps we would catch the movie UP today or have a nice meal together. Hehehe looking forward to it. Also looking forward to serve the children at church today as they do their 40 mins of prayer. Another highlight of the week was volunteering at APSN Delta Senior School where I played soccer with their soccer team. It is just heartwarming to see how their teacher/coach manages to inspire them in whatever he say and do. And he is such an inspiring individual, with the stature and the voice and the mannerism to go along. He looks somewhat over-qualified for the job, but then I guess that is where his heart lies, to serve the underprivileged of society. Well, maybe they are not so underprivileged, cos when they play you can see the pure unadulterated joy in their countenance, and it is just infectious. Haha and they really look up to people like us who dun interact with them often, and yet are willing to take time off to spend time with them. I really wish I can go down more often, it really takes the grind off the hectic schedule of work and makes one more human.

Lastly, hahaha just to share abit of my thoughts on the book I am reading now which is THE CRAFTSMAN by Richard Sennett. Basically the main argument of the book is that we should all strive to do whatever our craft is to the best of ability and not for the sake of performance bonuses or other economic rewards. We should take pride and joy in whatever God has ordained us to do and take it to our human limits. But the journey is difficult and becos of technology, human skill has taken a backend row with machinery replacing human skill or the lack of in many areas. But then we should still be adaptive and find our niche area and develop a skill in it. Perhaps that is what I should do, instead of being a jack of all trades, it is perhaps time to develop a mastery of one. Hahaha I wonder what that should be.

So, before I sign off, hahaha just wanna say a big thank you to my dear for being there for me and for supporting in times when I need it. Sorry for the times when I was being unreasonable and all the difficult times together. But then thanks for sticking around all these years. Love you so much dear.

copy paste.

there's something which i can't stand..
and that's something to do with how some people pose in pictures.

photo 1 - tilt head 10deg to the left.
photo 2 - tilt head 10 deg to the right.
photo 3 - tilt head 5 deg down.
.
.
.
.
photo X - tilt head to the xth deg - facing left/ right/ down.
( 5< x <10)

eyes, eyebrows and smile are frozen in place in every single photo.
it's as if the face has been cut and pasted in every photo in p/s.
rawr!!! doesn't help that the make-up defeats its purpose. :(

ok i've finished bitching. the end.

The years that went by

The previous post is very touching and it drove me to tears. And it made me reflect on the years that went by. We have really came a long way with each other through the good and bad times, and also the ups and downs. I am really thankful that you gave me the chance to take care of you and also share my life with you. Thank you dear for supporting me through the times when I needed help the most. Without you I would not be able to do alot of things.

For example, without your help during my A levels, I dun think I would have been able to make it to law school. Hahah my maths was really super bad. Thank God and thank you for everything. Also without your help, I dun think I would have been able to prepare so well for all my lessons that I taught the kids at Sunday School. Without you, I would not be able to organise things like games day. Still remember how you painstakingly folded the stars for the young pre-schoolers, such a sweet gesture.

Although the road here has not been exactly smooth, but it is through good times and bad times that our love grows stronger. I thank God for all that happened, putting our relationship to the test so that it can only grow stronger. I am still looking forward to the promise of the little cottage facing the sea. Dunno where that vision may take us, but I know that we would enjoy our adventure together this whole life.

So as we celebrate the 8th year together, I pray that God will draw us closer and help us to grow stronger as a couple. Furthermore, I pray that we would be able to complete our life adventure together and look back with fond memories of our experience. Love you so much dear.

N

8

Today's date marks the 8th anniversary of our relationship together. I'm not bouncing off the walls at excitement, but I feel as if my face is lit by a secret smile and there's a warm glow of contentment just thinking about what we've been through together. It isn't a super dramatic soap opera, but whatever we've faced has only served to strengthen our relationship as a couple.

I was hesitant to get together with N initially, since he's my first and all. But somehow things fell into place and I realised that I was starting to like him a lot. So much that I thought to myself, 'Hey maybe things CAN work out.' But that was before he officially and nervously asked me whether 'he could take care of me.' *blush* So anyhow there was the innocent dating thing, bringing me out to pulau ubin for cycling trips, having lunch after school, sending me back home with the long bus journeys before we got serious.

I realised I was comfortable with him and we could talk just about anything and most importantly, he already LIKED me and wanted to develop a you-and-me to an 'us'. lol. So it was a smooth transition to getting together, but of course I'm not going to ignore the fact that I was REALLY NERVOUS about it!

Naturally the first few years had quite a few ups and downs. I had to know what it's like playing the role of a girlfriend, being a lover and a confidant, getting acquainted with his family, keeping up with my studies and not daydream too much. Hahaha. We quarrelled quite a bit, with plenty of cold wars but from there we learnt about our characters and learnt to communicate better with each other. I was also developing a sense of self-awareness, like I had to explain "WHY I was angry" even if I didn't know why I was pissed off in the first place :P

I'm fortunate that N was and still is! very serious about us and not like the other boys I heard about. *shudder*

I really appreciate his thoughtful comments whenever I confide in him, and always giving it his all in order to make me happy, though sometimes with unintended results. :P

I guess there's no one definition for love. It's rather hard to describe it in a sentence or even a paragraph. It's just a warm fuzzy feeling that makes you feel on top of the world and that's the way I feel about N till now. :)

Happy anniversay N, I'll see u in a bit! :D

:(

getting grossed out by the snot that's coming out of my nose in droves, yet feeling quite relieved that i can breathe more easily.

eww.

:(

my abs are getting a workout though.

:)

*droool*

I'm seriously loving this bag I found from Free People. What a delicious mix of rope, canvas and leather!

Happy baggie find courtesy of Oh Joy!

haaacho!!

Was as sick as a toad yesterday, sneezing countless times and blowing my blocked nose even more. What was worse is that my eyes were burning and throat up in flames and I couldn't really stand more than 15 mins to iron clothes. Felt really miserable and I just couldn't fall asleep in front of the tv because I didn't really want to sleep in my bedroom.

So I followed N's advice and took a flu tablet and slept for 1.5 hrs. Woke up feeling much better, had dinner and slept again at 8pm. Woke up today at 9am, with the heatiness and sore throat all gone. The blocked nose is much better now, at least I can breathe through my nostrils.

Yay! :)

the HORRORRRRR

I just found out that Freitag's stopped producing its iconic backpack, the Bonanza! Boohoo I don't know how long it's been already, since I haven't been to their website for ages. But they didn't even send me an email! :(

so upset.
sulk. :(

mm?

Think I've lost my blogging mojo, nothing new is happening in my life right now, except that my room is 90% clean, most things have been packed and rearranged to their appropriate places, I've dumped more than 20 bags of rubbish, including old school notes.

I've watched a couple of movies, read quite a few books, think I'll update that on the sidebar. I've somewhat restored my sleep debt, I made it to Penang, enjoyed myself immensely in the company of friends, burp! So what else is new?

I've customised a graduation present for myself from forestprints, courtesy of N (more on that when it arrives). I've drooled at Cath Kidston bags which Fie Japan stocks (O,O). I've gone gaga over a basket bag I saw at Muji, to which the sales assistant confidently replied that all stocks were sold out at all 3 branches. The net-savvy me decided to trawl all over the internet for possible stocks, but the closest I could get was internet pictures of it.

And to which, I found!!!!! the next day at the branch at Paragon.
Tsk tsk!!! This concludes my third experience of never trusting the words of salespeople, and to rely on the sole effort of going to every outlet possible to get what you want.

And the day after getting the said basket bag from Muji (how could I resist?), I found yet another similar looking basket bag at Pottery Barn. Mmmmm.. Ho hum.



This concludes my non-blog-worthy life. The end.
Mmmm I feel like having a warm creamy soup now.. :Þ

pluhhh.

I'm feeling a little disappointed.

Imagine picking a present, and with your heart a-skipping and giving the present away, hoping that the recipient will like it. So the surprise takes a little explanation, and before it's complete, "Ok see how lah" is the response that I get.

Bummer.

Don't exactly know why I feel this way. It's not as if I could easily afford getting the present, being so broke and all. Perhaps I'm brought back to a time nearly a decade ago, where I wasn't given any chance of explaining myself, subject to frightful embarrassment of which is merely secondary, but often misjudged, prejudiced against, and brushed aside cruelly for countless times, of which I endured for a whole year.

Pardon the lengthy sentence. I've just completed reading Tess of D'urbervilles, Three Musketeers and on to Frankenstein now.

Perhaps it's the inability to capture the crit panels' fire-cracker thin attention span. Ok let's carry on. Ermmmm I was about to say something??

BOOHOOOO. Ok I need to get out of this wretched misery which I imposed on myself. After all, what I've done is a blessing, an action of my love and it's fortunately an unintentional reaction, but somehow quite predictably on the part of the other. It's not as if I need to get a tit-for-tat, to expect the reaction which I imagined and anticipated in my mind. So as Jesus loved unconditionally, so I too will follow.

That makes me feel much better now.
Carry on!

Happier posts will continue soon.
:)

*drooooool*

Need I say more? Hehe more goodness available here~

Thou shalt not consume...

Anymore fried food!
Bah!

Tis one of my favourite type of cooked food *surprise surprise* and yet I can't partake in any of it!
Just ate some of the frozen fried chicken variety and now my stomach's having a mini-orchestra in it.

Oh woessss.
It doesn't just happen to fried food though, also to instant noodles. All the unhealthy stuff.
RAWR!!

But I guess it's good though. Makes me stick to healthier dishes.
Hope my stomach makes it through Penang :D

New Perspective of Life

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog, perhaps I got too caught up with all that is going around me. Hahaha and guess where I am typing this entry now but on the bus home. I have just finished the book "Epic battles in the Last Days" by Rick Joyner and it was really quite a read. Now I am on to his second book. Hahaha I thought it was a boring book becos of the retro cover and the all so boring cover illustration, but thankfully I got to opening the book and started reading. Briefly, the book is about the battles in the last days between good and evil and how our lives are affected by this spiritual warfare that is going on. For the sake of C, I shall divulge too much of the contents lest it spoils the pleasure of reading the whole book. Anyway the greatest lesson I got from the book is that of humility. I feel that pride is my greatest enemy as it can suddenly overwhelm me and cause me to fall. I will always remember the verse that is constantly repeated throughout the book, which is God opposes the proud but exalts the humble. And I begin to reflect that maybe I got so much more stuff to clear up in my life. I begin to see the flaws that I have and sincerely want to change and get right, hopefully God will grant me the grace to do so. 

Anyway, I just had a nice night out with C and it was really just so nice to watch a movie and eat dinner in the dark. I really appreciate the time with you, love you so much dear. 

*gasp*

I've just started packing my room, it's been 5 hours and less than 5% done. Good grief. 0_0

There's so many things that need throwing away / repacking and finding space for all the miscellaneous things I've acquired over the years.

RAWR!!!
I feel so sweaty.
I feel so auntie.

Today...

I feel very tired.
Everyone's tired.
I can only just pray for the best.

Thank you Lord for constantly reminding me that You are always here for me.

:)

On my knees at the Cross.

I need to remember that God's always here for me, and with His Power, ANYTHING is possible.

Gifts

Giving gifts is my primary love language. I love giving gifts and receiving them. To me gifts captures the love and thoughtfulness of the giver at the moment of purchase and encapsulates it into a physical body. It sets the phrase "I was thinking of you" in stone and allows the receiver to recall this evidence of love everytime he / she picks up the gift.

However in our lifetime, we would receive countless gifts, some escape our memories while others will always be on our minds. These are "surprise gifts" and "first gifts".

First, I can't help to notice that gifts that are surprises usually stay cemented in the foreground of my mind. For instance, the card that C gave to me when I was sick in JC. It was given even before we were together, and to me it hinted that she liked me (*although I know it was not the case then) and that she cared. Whenever I stare at the card I get teleported back into time to my teenage years when the butterflies in my stomach would start to churn again.

Then there are "first" gifts that we will always remember. For example, my first birthday present was a tricycle that have been long gone. But I recall whenever I rode on it I would feel so loved by my parents. Then there was the first gift that I received from my best friend when I was in pri 6. Though it was a nondescript cassette tape by MLTR by it was that first gift made me experience the notion of brotherly love. Then there was the birthday gift by C which consisted of a big Blue coffee cup tat was handpainted by her. Until this day I have never used that cup to store any liquid. The only use I had for the cup was to stare at the paintwork and wonder what was running through her mind when the paint touched the ceramic.

Somehow, it is funny that we find it easier to remember the gifts that we receive rather than the ones that we give. But for those "given" gifts that we remember, it is usually those that were procured with monumental effort or those that made the receipient happy beyond measure. I will always remember the first CD I bought for C which cost me a week of my pocket money. And also the I will always remember the shine in her eyes when she received the little toys that I got for her as surprises. To me these are part of the countless beautiful memories that shape the landscape of our relationship. In turn, they create this picturesque scenery that just takes my breath away everytime I close my eyes and reflect about it.

C I just want to thank you for all that we shared and pray that God will continue to bless us and guide us in our walk together. And as you battle to meet the deadlines and the pressure to perform, may the peace of God be with you and whoever is with you in the room. That Christ's light will shine thru you and touch the lives of people around.

*Hopefully to cheer you up. Hehehe pootpoot!!!!1

Heart's a beatin'

Uniqlo is to open in 7 days!!
Ahhh!!

Will make my pilgrimage after thesis submission.
@___@

eyes wide open.

Didn't realise I had 3 cups of tea yesterday till it was time for bed.

morning - strong black tea
afternoon - 3-in-1 milk tea
night - hot green tea

Needless to say, I was still pretty awake at 3am. *__*
Fortunately I managed to sketch out and clarify some stuff before trying to get some shut-eye half an hour later~

the occasional stress reliever.

It's no secret that I really dig squeezing white/black heads out of my face whenever I feel like it, and I get an immense rush whenever a big chunka-munka rockets out of my overly-enlarged pore from time to time.

Such as today.

It was one of the hugest white-heads I've ever seen. A whole 2.25mm of it :D Such babies are only the products of extreme stress and sleep-deprived skin. Oh woes..

But before you start squirming "Eee, you're so gross!" I'm sure every single one of you out there has a closeted disgusting fancy you indulge in once in a while (or everyday), like digging your belly button and getting amused at how smelly the fluff is, picking your nose and admiring the size of your snot, scratching your armpit AND then smelling your fingers (eek!), so dun judge me hor!

Hahaha ok time to get back to thesis. Meh meh!!!

hair-did

Having looked through a couple of fashion blogs... I've decided to grow my hair till it reaches my boobs / waist.Hurhurhur. I hope I'll have the patience to do that before I complain *yet again* of heavy hair and strained roots.

How do they ever get tousled overgrown out-of-bed hair to look so incredibly chic and effortless at the same time!?

Credits to NAST for the delicious photos.

How Can I Keep from Singing?

:D Yet another of my favourite songs~

Random Thoughts

It has been awhile since I updated the blog. Guess there is just too many things happening at the same time that I dun have time to sit down and think. Perhaps it is just coincidental or perhaps I am just more observant, but then it seems that the people around me have been going through a lot these few weeks. It is really difficult for some to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some feel that their efforts are going nowhere, while others feel that the problems that are happening to them are nothing within their control.

Sometimes I really want to tell everyone that God is there always no matter how crappy we feel. But then again I understand that we all need some tangible form of comfort from people around us. And I do admit that I need someone to lean on many a time when I feel crappy. I also feel like having a good rest now from all the rubbish that is happening around me. Hahah perhaps I should really consider being a fisherman and just stare into the open wide sea everyday. That would be life. hahah but albeit a life without purpose. Perhaps this is the irony, to lead a meaningful life we have to make meaning of our trying circumstances.

Then the other day I was just thinking about how married life would change my lifestyle now. There would be so many more additional duties that I was thinking about. Imagine the bills that have to be paid, the groceries to be bought, the household chores to be done, the support that one has to provide for the family. But then I guess without all these responsibilities, it would make family life meaningless. Hahaha. And there is also the joy of having one's own children. The joy written on every parent's face clearly illustrates that it is all worth it to make all the sacrifices that love demands.

CHOMP!

I've just had the most satisfying junk-food dinner in a long while. BK's Double Swiss Mushroom burger (did I get the order right?) and onion rings~~

I've even forgotten how the burger tastes like. lol.
It's been 4 years since I've had BK? :D~~~~~

:'(

Feeling so stressed and depressed about thesis that it's unhealthy.
Help. :(

midnight yummy snackeroos

Even Pepito says so!

beauty of a sunset

It was yet another thunderstormy afternoon, yet this is greeted me in the evening. :)



I was editing the above photo for my msn avatar, and while adjusting the brightness / contrast, I realised that it was a double rainbow! :D So amazing~ Get yourself further from the screen if you can't see it.

Ok you can see the 2nd one more clearly here.

This is the warm yummy golden-yellow sunset in the opposite direction.

:D

yummy

such a lovely shade of teal.
From Freitag. :D

:(

Going nuts and feeling real jittery.

Perhaps there's nothing to feel panicky about and I'm on the right track, but I can never be sure, especially with thesis / design.

I've had 2 portions of Lipton instant milk tea and I think I'm probably feeling so anxious because of the caffeine overload. Perhaps it's just me - that I have to see PB tmr and feel rather scared of what he might say to my design. I've been 'rejected' for so many times that I'm not quite sure what to make of what I'm currently doing.

Working at home has its perks - the comfort, convenience of not having to travel to school (3 hrs per day!!) and I can be a sloppy auntie without feeling subject to scrutiny. *hehe* I can fart, dig my nose (Hey who doesn't do it!), squeeze my black heads, tie my hair with most of it sticking out at odd angles and not give a damn.

In school however, with everyone working so hard - it becomes a psychological push to work harder. Another plus side is that I get to seek my friend's opinions on my design and a reassurance that I might be progressing. But I really do hate traveling for so longggggggg...

BOO.
It doesn't help that I'm pretty much distracted by a spotted green bag - which is now conspicuously put up for sale (it was hidden within another post - 'pls contact me if u wish to get product abc, instead of xyz.') YES I'm feeling panicky because I'm afraid that it might get nicked away right before my eyes. (T__T) Oh the agony of being a student.

RAWR!
Oh dear LORD, please help me! Let me feel your Presence and set my heart at ease!

!!!!

It's sold out and I'm frothing *gurgle-barf*
(click on the pic to the webbie)

*swoon*

Cath Kidston has been updated with a Spring Collection! I'm trying to contain my drool. Hahahah. Especially with the favourable exchange rate.. HOW?!

I've got so many favourites. Eeps!
Shipping is a bummer though. :(

Song for the Spirit

A touching song and meaningful lyrics for those who are feeling stressed for the upcoming interim crit.



In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that You are God
In the secret of Your presence
I know there I am restored

When You call I won’t refuse
Each new day again I’ll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know You’re Sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do Your will

When You call I won’t delay
This my song through all my days

All my delight is in You Lord
All of my hope, all of my strength
All my delight is in You Lord Forevermore

sigh...

I shut my mouth at people who simply love to win arguments for the sake of it.
I keep quiet with they who don't listen.

The Hand That Holds the World

No greater joy
Is there than this
To know for what
We're meant to live

To hold Your hand
To touch Your face
To find ourselves
In loves embrace

I want to stand before the King
Join in the song that heaven sings
I want to hold the hand that holds the world

I want to know the mystery
Reach out and touch the majesty
I want to hold the hand tht holds the world

No greater love
Could be bestowed
That You would name us as your own

Your daughters sing
Your sons rejoice
They gather here before Your throne

You are, You are
The author of creation
We are, the chrildren of your heart

You are, You are,
The light of all the heaven
We rise, to worship all You are

i am STOKED. :D
Happiness is just 4 months and 20 minutes away.

We're back~
Pictures and more blogging to follow. N has my card reader and I still feel as if I'm on a boat.
Laters!

doing the jitter-bug

I'm having hunger pangs every 2-3 hours.
HOWWW!!!!

Leaving for Phuket tmr morning.
Feeling the jitters of being suspended in the wide and deep(!) open sea.
Having a (possible) whale shark go past me.
And manta rays too.
I haven't dived for 2 years.
I better get my buoyancy right to prevent any lion-fish from poking me.

HOW!!!
I is scare-dy cat.
I pray that I don't have a panic attack.
:S
Dear Lord, please don't let any trigger fish or nasty sea creatures from attacking / harming anyone on this trip. AMEN.

Exercising my ear-nose-throat tube now to prevent any possible painful ear traumas from the pressure - that may possibly lead to panic attacks. Whee.

I hope I don't get seasick.

'happy' new year 2009

It's the beginning of yet another year, and this time I feel more like an adult than ever before. My past was seemingly rosy and happy - but in this new year, I know that it's quite a stage show. I've become more aware of new revelations, past histories and that my impressions of people close to me have changed.

I can't understand why some people can be so unforgiving despite knowing and believing that there's a God above. I'm sure they have their reasons, yet sticking vehemently to the negativity and myopic perspective leaves me wondering whether they love wallowing in self-pity, hatred and overall misery. Life on earth is so short - look how fast a year has gone by, is it truly worth it to be so angry and bearing grudges 24/7 for so many years?

I'm glad I've gotten out of the rut that I learnt from you - to be so judgmental and bearing grudges for all the wrong reasons. I know you're feeling hurt, confusion and anger, but isn't it time to learn how to breathe and loosen the yoke on your shoulders? It seems as if pessimism is your key mantra in life. Practically everything that comes your way is dealt negatively and behaving harshly to another human being even though he / she may have only INDIRECTLY offended you. Kinship ties are readily abandoned and severed, and your displeasure is acutely displayed. Why would anyone who has welcomed you with wide spread open arms be so hostilely rejected by you even though their only sin against you is to be related to the one you so detest? Would you please detest me too? Then perhaps I can make some sense of it all. Worst of all, your most deep found hatred is focused on the one who is the most willing to make amends, hold truce and be on the path to getting out of depression, self-doubt and suicidal thoughts - of which you had a big part to play in. Much help has been rendered to you, only for you to throw it all away. It annoys me to no end that you like to win arguments, fair enough if you have good reasons, but your logic is truly 'impeccable'.

I don't know what to do, but being so critical of others and to yourself will only destroy everything and you're already in the process of killing yourself by your own means. I'm only glad that you've decided to hold your peace at last - yet while it's all calm and still on the surface, it's tumultuous and crazy below. I can only pray for God's help. It's only through Him that all things are possible.