shoppity shop

Spent a wonderful day walking along Orchard Road today. With a task list in hand and armed with my birks, I trooped down to the mecca of shopping centres today.

First stop was Tanglin Mall, where I finally managed to visit Tatty Marsh, harbinger of Cath Kidston *droooool* and other English goodness. Felt as if I was transported back to London for a while, except that the bag I was eyeing was out of stock. *meep* Tanglin Mall felt like Great World City, the one-stop-shop for the residents nearby. I bought a mug to placate myself since the bag wasn't available.

Walked what felt like a kilometre in the blazing hot sun towards Ion, to have takopachi and macha tea for lunch. Seems like Gindaco has improved somewhat since the last time I went there. At least the octopi were not too overcooked :P

Having filled my tummy, I waltzed off to Tangs to survey their range of bridal shoes. Unforch it wasn't to my liking. All the bling bling nearly blinded me and I realised that perhaps making a custom shoe would be cheaper than buying from Tangs. Ah well. Anyway I wanted to look at potential bridesmaids dresses at Martina Pink and was stopped by a lady from Benefit Cosmetics. Got myself a mini makeover and was quite amazed that I looked alright with eyeshadow, eye liner and mascara. Hohohoho and my eyes seemed to have enlarged 1.5x its normal size. :P Would seriously consider going straight to Benefit once I get the occasion for it. heehee *kaching!* Took me quite a while to get used to my looks, but I realised I looked fresher with the natural make up on :D

So anyway, spent quite a while rummaging through Tangs. Found some lovely dresses, but all were waaaaaaaay out of my budget. Ah well. Perhaps finding a dressmaker would be a better option.

After Tangs and feeling quite financially drained, I took a train down to Robinsons to look at their selection of bridal shoes too, but nothing stood out for me. All well, the search continues.

Norman's birthday present was also much too expensive for me, so gotta find a Plan B. Perhaps a $10 plate of fried rice would be more than sufficient since he's missing local food. Kekekekekeke :Þ

trail.

I can't quite understand why my mum has to trail me whenever I leave my room.

After I open my door, she'll open her door. (Especially in the mornings during the weekend.)
If I'm in the kitchen, she'll certainly be there within the next minute.
After I wake up from a nap and try sneak something from the kitchen, she'd be there pottering about.
After I use the bathroom in the morning, all groggy and dishevelled, she'd ask me what I want for breakfast. (! - I'm NOT a morning person)

Especially if I leave my door open, she'll flood me with a deluge of unpleasant questions.

This post is so hard to do.

I just need my space.

randoms

It's been months since I've last posted, been utterly busy with work and trying to find time and energy with the wedding preparations.

Trawling through the numerous comments in forums, sifting through websites and working out the budget, etc etc, I'm glad we started planning quite early. We've thankfully managed to stick to the budget so our guests can have better food. Hahaha.

Anyway have started saving up (wish I'd started sooner) and it doesn't help that Orla Kiely's released their S/S 11 collection - eyeing 2 bags and a top *ahh!*

N and I got some bit of R&R at Sentosa which he surprised me with. :o) Oh. I should start filing for my income tax already. ta!

Heaven?

Random thought:-

What's heaven like? I don't mean how it physically looks like, but the people that are there. Are they mostly made up of old people from relatively wealthy countries, child soldiers that die in battle, babies that were aborted, you know the stereotypical stuff on how people die in various countries / cultures.

Or, do people go to heaven and reappear as how they were in the prime of their life? Or when they were the happiest in their lives? Hmmm..

adulthood

Happy is she who finally got a debit card and bought some fabulous stuff from etsy.
Not forgetting that she's also got a ton of bills to pay.

Happy she who has finally informed her parents of her impending marriage and the thought of moving out.

:D

*yawn*

The last taxi driver drove like a mad man today.
I've been taking cabs all about town today. 4 times in fact.

Stress. Argh!
Turdy and impossible deadlines.
Why are the Codes in so many shades of grey?
*barf*

Joy

Today I read a passage in a book that talks abt joy. God's plan for us is to be joyful always, but there are times in life when we feel that we are just surviving and not living life. Talk about divine intervention, it felt as if God was speaking to me. To think that I just causually talked to God what should I bring to read today during my travelling time, and God directed my attention to a book that was stacked below a huge pile of books. Then I was directed to a particular page 47 and it was the chapter on Joy.

And man! I really do need that Joy to be re-injected into my life now. I feel that life is so boring now and so mundane and I am just going through the motion. I feel that my life is slowly ebbing away with no time to stop to smell the roses. Things begin to lose their significance and stuff begin to lose their importance because I feel under-valued and not treasured. I keep having the wrong mental frame that why the world is all about everyone else but me. Then I realise that I fail to remember that to God the Father, it is all about me all the time. This is because He loves me and treasures me all the time. What really struck me was the ALL THE TIME part. Even when we feel down or we do the wrong stuff, God still treasures us. I know I have been teaching Sunday school kids this stuff all the time, but I sometimes forget to walk the talk.

So hopefully I would pick myself up and face the giants with God behind me all the time. And no matter how the odds are stacked against me I would emerge victorious and joyful always. It is all about attitude and I would have that right attitude all the time.

Thoughts and Dreams

My dream is to travel to beautiful places in the world, to meet people all over the world and lead a life filled with adventure. Haha who doesn't. I want to pack my bags and travel the world and touch the lives of many. Haha who deosn't. I guess it will all come to pass one day. But for now the mundaness of stuff I have to do everyday seems boring. But I guess that is just training for the greater things to come.

I dream to wake up to a window that overlooks the sea and smell the gentle sea breeze.

I dream to wake up to feel C's breath on my face in a small and cosy house.

I dream to wake up to a day where I am there to help other people see that God is alive today.

I dream to wake up to a day where I can change people's lives by influencing people in the govt to do what is right for their citizens.

I dream to have children rub their hands against my stubble laughing at how ticklish it is.

I dream to see my children grow up to fulfil their destinies.

I dream to walk along the beach with C overlooking a brillant sunset when we are old and appreciate the years that we spent together and talk about the wonderful memories we have shared.

I dream to that all my dreams would come true.

Haha who doesn't

Busyness, Busi-ness

Think time is a precious comodity when we grow up. Still miss the times when I could do nothing after school and just let the day pass. But I guess this is part of growing up and it is a sacrifice that all of us have to make.

Just watched Shrek on Sunday, and the character really spoke to my heart. Sometimes, I do feel like Shrek when there is so much to do and there is a longing to go back to the time when I had my personal space. But that is a selfish thought, because it means that all I am thinking about is myself. And the moral of the story in Shrek is that he did not appreciate all that he had until he lost it (of course momentarily).

It is so scary to think that life would become more stuff to do and less time for myself soon. I dunno how I am going to handle it, but I guess I would have to take things as they come.

For now, today would be a long day again and I cannot send Cheryl off to Korea today. Haiz. But I will get by.

Daily Bread

Thank God for such a nice day, waking up to a brillant sunrise with such a cool weather. Had a great sleep last night, and woke up early feeling refreshed. Then when I read today's daily bread passage and combined it with yesterday's passage I can see what is God doing through all this negativsim that I am facing now.

Yesterday's passage was talking about the generation after Joshua that did not see the mighty works of God and drifted away from God. And the theme of the passage was that God has no grandchildren because all of us have to experience God firsthand to seal our faith in Him. There is not second-generation christian and God calls each one of us to have a personal and first hand relationship with Him.

Then today's message really hit the message home. It is about Cain and Abel. Why did God value Abel's offering over Cain's. The reason is simple! Not that God does not like vegetables, but it is because Cain has not given up everything to God. It is the same as me, not all my dreams and wishes are given up to God. And then I remembered this phrase that someone told me awhile back. God cannot fix what is not broken. I must actively admit that I need fixing and break my spirit. Otherwise, God in His great love for us and with our best interests in mind would break us down using circumstances to draw us back to Him and to fix us up the right way. And we need to trust that God would make us whole and good according to His will rather than ours.

Nocturnal Reflections

It is past midnight and I have just reached home from work. It has really been a long day at work and I am putting on my headphones and listening to Chopin's Nocturne Op 9 no 2 which is so soothing. There are really alot of things on my mind these few days. I guess God is trying to tell me something but then I am really sometimes too tired to figure it out. I just feel so spent yet I have to actively tell myself to lift up my head and look forward. It is especially difficult when you are surrounded by people who are so negative about life at home and then you have to look at God only for inspiration. I would like to have someone to look up to here on earth, but I guess this is all part of the Christian life to look to God only. Ultimately, it is only in Him that we can put our trust. So I guess things will look up and I will somehow rediscover the joy of living this wonderful life with God by my side.

So I guess another major exercise finishes next week, I would have to get busy for any project that is handed to me cause everyone is on leave in June. Haha hopefully that turns out well too. Then I can only look forward to December for the next break which is more like getting busy again. Haha but I also remember that I should thank God for the nice trip to Europe that would not have been possible without His grace. Nevertheless, everything just seems so daunting now, perhaps it is because I am sleepy and tired now.

Now last two weeks I asked a youth whom I am mentoring to think about what his ambition or dream is. I also thought about mine. My dream is to travel around the world and meet people of all different cultures. I love meeting new people and been in places where the scars of modernisation are still scarce. I would also love to live near the sea and hear the sound of lapping waves before I sleep every night. I would love to every now and then be able to fly a small aircraft along the coastline and just open the window and breathe in the fresh sea breeze. Then I would also love to work as a lawyer or something in the legal industry, to face the mental challenge of finding the magical solution to convince the judge. I would love to wake up to nice pancakes and waffles with C at our porch, sipping coffee or tea while taking in the majestic scenery. I would also love to run along the coastline and watch the seagulls fly in and catch their breakfast while allowing the breeze to cool off my body. But I guess all this are just selfish dreams abt me, and I should look more towards the good of others. Sometimes I just feel so tired thinking about others that maybe inadvertently I want to think of myself.

But nvm I know I will get out of this knot soon enough. Before long I would be able to feel happy again~ I know it.

Dreamz

I would like to blog about a dream I had just only. It shows me in front of a large audience in a mooting (mock trial) competition. Normally I have the confidence and the pointers to deliver a more than decent argument. But this time round I walked to the podium with a guitar in hand and without my caselists and argument pointers. Then I put down the guitar somewhere near the podium and ran back towards my seat to get my notes. After getting the notes, I realised that I could not make sense of it and that everyone in the crowd was staring at me. And I was feeling exposed. So then I began to open my case, and everything fell apart. And along the way I heard people in the audience whispering advice to me, and I just latched on whatever they said, and then when another whispered a contradicting point into my ear I just blindly spoke it out too. Then people in the audience began to get rowdy and complained that I was contradicting myself. Then I told God please get me out of this and I woke up.

When I prayed and asked God for an explanation for the dream here is what I got. The only time when you feel exposed is when you are not real with people and you dun trust in God alone. And the one advice He is going me is to not to listen to too many "whispers" by other people when I am making decisions or doing stuff. Always know my stuff first, know what I want to do, pray for God to show me His direction and do it. And only take advice that is given in the open where it can be tested by the scrutiny of other God fearing people. Never ever take advice that are whispered into my ear unless it is the Holy Spirit whispering into my ear. Lastly, God is telling me to use the right tools and play to my strengths. Playing the guitar is not my strength, but speaking infront of people is, so use my strengths to do the right thing at the right time. Thank God for such a revelation.

Reflections

Been awhile since I blogged hahaha guess I got too busy to have time to sit down and reflect about the year that is going to be half gone. Wasn't it new year like yesterday, how time flies. So here I am at work now at 2218H staring at the computer and looking at the 1001 things that I have to do for the upcoming busy period at work. So much info to digest and still have to apply that info for work. And above all there are still deadlines to meet too. Not forgetting that when I check my email, there is still stuff to write and plan and coordinate for church. Haha I wish I had two CPUs in my brain. I guess I will survive.

So I decided to take a breather and reflect on the year that is almost half gone. Thought it was new year like yesterday, how time flies. First and foremost I would like to thank God for giving the opportunity to travel half round the world going to thailand, Europe and even Israel. It was really an eye opener and I was thinking that how blessed I am to be able to travel to so many places. It is really a stark contrast to me when I was young, I sat my first plane ride in JC2 cos my parents did not have the means to bring me on holidays. Hahah but like they all say the rest is history.

This year is also full of so many impt decisions that I have to make, and these decisions have long lasting effect on my life. Hopefully things would be turn out well. I think I am handling my ministry commitment fairly well, but I know God has everything in control even though many a times I feel overwhelmed.

Then recently, like yesterday, C and I had a heart to heart talk to put ourselves on the right page again. It was good, been able to be honest of our struggles. I really pray that God will give us both the strength and the love to support each other and edify one another. This is a really tiring time for both of us as the work piles up. But I pray that God will give us the strength to go through it all together.

Ok that is all for now, have to go back to work. zzz...

It's been quite a while since I've last posted, partly because I've lost the motivation to blog about anything and more importantly I haven't got the time to post anything anymore. I've been swamped with work to the extent that it feels like thesis submission all over again. But it's worse than that because I can't fake my design anymore or I'll get whipped by the authorities and the clients and it's unprofessional.

On another note, I've been to London and Paris, thoroughly enjoyed myself with N, where he "surprised" me, watched 2 musicals 'Wicked' and 'Les Miserables', got possessed at Cath Kidston, did a marathon at the various museums and walked ultra-marathons each day for 2 weeks, munched on baguettes, crepes and sandwiches till we pooped bread crumbs and chased fatty pigeons everywhere we went. Loved it.

But it's back to earth in sweltering SG now, catching up with all the work and some of which weren't addressed (poo!) while I was away. Just pray that everything will work out fine. It seems that I've somehow forgotten about Papa God above and He sent a timely reminder to put Him before everything else. Righto. Back to work and God Bless Everyone!

milestone...

Today marks a very special day in our lives, when N and I signed a few special documents that marks the start of our future home together. Hehe.

It was extremely stressful selecting the final unit - we were like market analysts - pointing pros and cons like wind direction, sun, view, yadadada (because we were left with less than a handful of choices) till we were entirely drained after all the adrenaline wore off. But we truly thank God for blessing N with the finances to kick start this process and the opportunity to make the trip down to the Hub.

Can't wait. Yay!!

Thank you Lord for Sketchup and helping me solve my Escher-esque staircase woes.
Amen. :)

I've just had a most delectable lunch of soy-sauce chicken rice and the most delicious chocolate ice blended.

:D~

uphill task

I always feel that I'm fighting a losing battle whenever I talk to people abt spiritual stuff. Not the ying-yang, earth mother kind of stuff ( which I seriously don't endorse), but the kind of life we're supposed to lead if we seriously want to follow in Jesus' footsteps.

It pisses me off big time when I can't explain myself and that the other party seems so logical and sound, and yet I still stand by what I believe. I'm also the kind of person who needs time to process information and form my argument after some debate in my head - wish I was a sharp thinker.

It's also disappointing that I can only confide in N in matters like these, but at least I still have him to talk to.

Don't even get me started on Pokemon, Barbie or even Lady G. Barhhhh.

P.S. I don't mean to say that I'm perfect - no one ever is - and there are times when I contradict myself - everyone is always in a process of growth so don't expect me to be.

gasp!!

Gasp!!! Need. to. Breathe.

Being a grown up is expensive.
:(


On another note - I've been so incredibly busy that I can't think of anything really exciting to say. That when I actually feel like posting up something, I don't have the time to and when I actually have the time to, nothing's in my head. Look out for shorter posts soon. meep.

compelled

I feel like yet another overwhelming moment again, where I feel like bursting and telling the entire world about my thoughts.

It suddenly dawned upon me, more clearly and stronger than ever before about my existence here on Earth. My mission here is to do nothing but the works for God and I WANT to do it. This doesn't mean that I'd definitely be in missions or work in a church, or the stereotypical evangelistic stuff. No. This means working for God in the everyday aspect of my life. Whichever field of work I'm engaged in, the people that I'd meet, the experiences I'd encounter, I want to be a testimony for God and touching the lives of many people. Amen!

I really want to win people over for Christ and let them develop a deeper relationship with Him. I don't want a superficial understanding of God, I want people to enjoy the relationship that I share with Him. I don't want a kind of relationship where despite knowing who God is, one continually and consciously sins against Him. I don't deny some sins are harder to overcome or even to detect, but once we decide to embark on a closer journey with Jesus, all things will be revealed in good time. The relationship that I share with God is one that is loving, kind, peaceful, understanding and respectful, and not one that is full of fear, guilt and anger that many people may have a misunderstanding of.

Many think God is an angry God, when in fact, much of the fear and guilt from our mistakes arises in us, and the delusion that God will remain angry with us forever. While God forgives us of our sins even before we commit them, we are often harsh on ourselves, refusing to forgive ourselves and running away from God in the process, which makes Him so sad! God looks only looks at our hearts, our motives and not our actions (that may be contradictory to what we really feel). When we are truly repentant, God's love and forgiveness absolutely overflows. Well, it might seem so textbook, but that's what I've experienced many times over and it remains a mystery to me how His Love is so powerful and incomprehensible, and yet I love it!

I thank God for giving me so many opportunities in life, and blessing me with so many gifts, talents and skills, so much more than I could ever ask for. Most importantly, I really thank God for drawing me back to Him so closely once again. I love you Lord, and I pray that many more will learn to love You too. Amen.

-C-

Thoughts @ work

Haha this is a Sunday and I am stuck here at work, but not too bad at least I can catch up on work and also slow down the pace of my weekend and think through things. The past few months have been great, C has a job now and I took a break from my daily work because I was participating in an exercise and was asked to attend a course straight after the exercise. Thank God for the much needed break.

I am really so proud of C that she has grown so much spiritually over the past few months, not only I have seen her develop a deeper faith in God, but I have also seen her helping others with so much zest. For one, I know I am not the type of person to sit down and talk to someone that I am barely close to for one hour straight in the first sitting to comfort and offer advice on school stress. But C could and the recipient S was greatly blessed. Additionally, C has also been thinking about which ministry God wants to put her in, for me I think God has already put her or installed her into that ministry already. Just that she would have to find the correct age group to minister to.

For the month of nov and dec it is going to be busy. There would be a teachers' advance on the last week of nov and I have to work every sunday for the whole month. But I will take it in my stride. Then I would be going for a mission trip in Dec to Khon Khaen Thailand. Hopefully in between I would be able to complete my training upgrade so that I can get this burden off my mind.

Lastly, I just want to appreciate C for all the support she has given to me all these years. I believe tat we have many more years to spend together and we will be able to create a bright and exciting future together. It is just so amazing how we can make each other laugh just by looking at each other. And also all the silly things we do. Just the other day I was standing on the mrt while C was sitting down. And I was making funny faces at her. Hahaha the guy beside C was trying so hard to control his laughter that it was so hilarious. This is just one of the many examples. Haha ok that is all for now, looking forward to meet C for dinner tonight.

hmm!

I was about to post a post entitled "Tales of a Bitchy Kind" when I hesistated and resisted against it. Thou shalt not be bitchy in real life and in the virtual world.

The end. :)

plink plonk!

The day started out like this......

"One sunny day, Chum and Num decided to go out for a nice date out. They reached the bus stop when Chum realised she forgot to bring her wallet along. Chum felt very silly that they had to miss the bus and decided to walk back home to retrieve her wallet. A few steps later, Chum decided that Num should wait for her while she hurriedly walked back. Num turned back and Chum carried on speed-walking.

Suddenly, there was a strong gust of wind and Chum got a shock when something fell right in front of her. It was a bamboo pole with 2 pieces of clothing. Chum was in quite a shock yet at the same time felt calm that she was unhurt. She immediately called Num and was relieved that she told Num to wait for her at the bus stop. Num could have been hurt by the falling bamboo pole! Chum collected her nerves and went about her task, meeting Num later at the bus stop. Num later revealed that he had felt thirsty and was glad that Chum had told him to wait for her, so he could get a drink at the nearby convenience store."

I was at the left most of the photo (on the pavement) when the accident happened. It landed literally centimeters away from me and I just thank God that it didn't strike me, and that N didnt follow me back or he might have been hurt too. Phew! Anyway N and I decided to lunch at the hawker near our old JC and visit our teachers. Unfortunately it was examination time and we couldn't contact our Geog teachers in the staff room but we got trippy with a nostalgic tour around our old school and managed to meet friends / teachers of ours. It was gossip-update galore for me - I'm utterly 'ace' at keeping up with old sec sch mates, primarily because I had a tough time in school, so it was quite a bombardment of stories (of shotgun / married friends, etc). I suddenly feel very normal and well-behaved like a little angel. mehhhhhhhh.

happiness can be found...

in a pair of clean birks. hohoho :D

i feel...

quite proud of myself that i'm not feeling hungry even though dinner was just hot tea and 2 doses of po chai pills.

*snigger*

but yes, i suspect i've a bout of food poisoning or something.
crazy diarrhea, achy joint pains, weak muscles, stomach pain, headache. even lying down was a painful event. i couldn't shower without cringing - tender skin / touchy nerves. :(

wait before u read on, pls make sure u're not eating, haven't eaten or thinking about food just yet.

...so all that on a saturday night - sunday and i still went to church :D
so anyhooo i shall document the madness that happened on saturday night.

12+ am - went to bed.
3.15 am - realised i knew i was sleeping (hate that feeling!) and felt super thirsty. my brain was super active and kept thinking of illogical things. couldn't stand it and decided to drink water. tried to continue 'sleeping'. sharts are not funny.
4.15am - gahhhh over-active brain was making me sleep terribly and i decided to wake up. read a bit of the Bible, prayed, sang some songs and tried to sleep again. sharts are so not funny.
4.45am - lights out!
7.30am - i managed to sleep! was wondering whether to still go to church since i felt like crap. refer to ailments as above. but i thought to myself, 'if i'm at home and i feel equally terrible as i would outside, shouldn't i just go out instead?' i thought i'd be able to bear with the pain and miserableness. sent an sms to N to ask if he was awake.
8 am - finally managed to talk to N and told him abt my terrible night. his instinct was a spritual attack. so was mine before i called him. but i still decided to go to church since there was a peace in my heart in my semi-awake state at night when i told myself to get to church.

the day went on and my physical condition was no better. i winced when i stood or sat for more than 1/2 hour. i couldn't even queue up for 15 mins for my wanton mee at mei ling hawker centre. (must try ok!!)

finally managed to get home at 4pm and dozed off despite a wedding taking place downstairs. felt much better at 7pm and ate a cob of corn for dinner. felt like puking halfway.

next morning (today - monday) - achey joints / weak muscles were gone and was just left with a headache. thought i was free from diarrhea and absentmindedly drank milk AND yakult. so smart uh. went for lunch with N at smith street food ctr and that's when the trouble started. my stomach started bubbling about and i was so uncomfortable. NOT GOOD. But i thought it was pretty tolerable and we went to check out the library at esplanade where the bubbling got worse.

k this post is getting pretty damn long. so basically i had 2 emergency toilet breaks within a span of 2 hrs from each other, i found out that toilet bowls make some sounds more audible that may lead to embarrassing moments *lol*, i gulped down 2 doses of magical po chai yin courtesy of my knight in a bunny suit and now i feel better. yay.

i just need a corgi, munchkin kitty and a bunny right now.

snippety snip

Hair today, gone tomorrow! Was sick of my shaggy, heavy do and opted for a layered look. Happy with the results and will be going back to my newly-found hairdresser. :D

I'd probably go back more often since it doesn't pinch my pocket too much. Yay!

Yay! Blogger has decided to work again!
Presenting... The innards of my trusty old hairdryer.the fan blades (plastic tsk!) have completely broken to pieces and rendered my hairdryer useless. :(

it was quite fun whacking the mesh (grey bit with the hole) out of the hairdryer though. took me a small saw, screwdriver and metal ruler to finally get it out :P

:(

Why can't I post any pictures on my blog?!
The blogger interface is all wonky.

Thoughts

I am really impressed with the long post that C has just written. A very well written and deep expression of what's on her mind. I understand that it is difficult and hard to face all that she is facing now. I really admire her mental fortitude sometimes when I see her facing all that she has to in school. The long hours, the unappreciativeness from the tutors and even the emotional stress from wondering whether the work would be up to the tutor's standard. But I guess that phase is over now, and she can look forward to other stuff.

Anyway, we have just came back from our KL trip where it was food and shopping and more food and shopping. Haha think we expended more energy walking around the shopping centre than anything else. And we also did the touristy stuff of taking 1001 photos of the Petronas towers. But the structure was really nice. Oooo Dvds are really cheap in M'sia. Bought a few shows that I wanted to watch but did not have the time and patience to download. There was the japanese anime Skycrawlers. The action sequence is really good better than top gun.

Now about the good food, the chicken wings at Jalan Alor is really good. The skin melts in your mouth with the magical seasoning that is just so shiok. Plus the chilli sauce is really magical dunno what they added to the stuff. It is like dope. I am so going back to KL to get my chicken wing fix. Additionally, M'sia got A&W hahaha. Root Beer Floats in glass mugs just rocks!!! What more can I say. KL is really food paradise.

overwhelmed

There's lots of things in my mind right now. I'm thinking about architecture and the discipline I've been involved in for 6 years. I'm thinking about my relationship with N, and thinking about why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. I'm thinking about God and what He wants me to be. I'm thinking about my family, and what I can do for them. I'm thinking of my future, where a huge foggy cloud hangs in front of me.

:(

I feel like I'm going to burst with all this thinking.

Just had a lunch meet-up with my former year2 tutor, RT, along with M and B of MIBCE fame. Anyhooo, I was unsure what we were going to chat about, having not seen him since graduating from yr2 and him going back to NZ. I honestly hated the life in school. I was unsure what architecture was, and the proper way to go about it. Design was all subjective, there wasn't any hard and fast rule, and some tutors left the students with more questions than answers with no shred of motivation. But thinking about it, I now feel that perhaps this is what God wants to have me learn. I've always rested on having sure knowledge, right answers, and was pretty successful in the rote-learning method. Answers came from books, teachers, notes and countless exam papers.

Architecture and design on the other hand, hold no hard and fast rule. Comments come from every direction, some are constructive, some to purposely question your conviction with the design, some to demoralise you, and others to say "yes". As an adult (no more spoon-feeding huh!!), you were held to be able to make your own judgements and see your ideas through. But being so naive and blur, sometimes we're led onto the wrong track, and having been brought up in "yes/no" methodology for more than a decade, it's a hard smack in the face. Of course my grades weren't as fantastic as I hoped it would have, but without this strenuous course to break me down, I don't think I would be able to reflect as much if I were somewhere else. Yes I've realised this after graduating, but it's not too late for some motivational revelation, no?

Architecture school does not just teach you about architectural design. Hmm what do I actually remember from school? Not much theoretical knowledge, my mental calculations have drastically deteriorated, but it has shaped me to what I am today. The stress faced in school is legendary and phenomenal. Friends from other faculties hear stories about our life and are able to emphatise with us on a superficial level, before they go back to their books books and more books, and maybe some projects here and there. Your endurance boundaries are pushed, emotions stretched to inhuman limits, and you start to wonder "If yr 2 can be this stressful, what more about yr 4?!" My friend, it is possible to endure 4 years in aki school, and more.

What made me realise this possibility is the presence of great friends. True friends that provide moral support despite the competitive nature of the course, friends that see you cry, see you smile and see your grossly distorted face after you nap flat on the table. I'm terribly thankful of them, and thankful that God has set our paths to meet and merge. I thank God that yes, although I can honestly say that architecture is not my true passion, but architecture is and was the best opportunity for me to be shaped according to His plans, and meet the people I now know.

Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing to encounter really crappy tutors, for they made the ones who mattered really shine through; and for the better tutors I had, the best I could ever have. These tutors - possibly as few as the number of eyes I have on my face, were the ones where I feel I've learnt something tangible and practical to my development as an architecture student. It made architecture alive, something to understand, something to love. I guess I do love architecture, I love spatial experiences, and how it has trained me to think - from details (not terribly good at) to macro-level intangible things - economics, social behaviour, politics, blahhhh - why things are done the way they are, and how there's more than meets the eye. So yah. I've been through lots of ups and downs, having signed myself up for architecture school in the past, without a hint of knowledge what was to come, and survived the most tremendous stress I can ever think of.

Of course architecture school would not have been possible without my dear N. He was the one who suggested I switch my choice from geography to architecture - well I'm not really blaming him, am I? :P He's seen my worst, and my sweetest, my ugliest - pimples, eyebags galore, and my most spiritually emptiest. (Forgive my confounded grammar.) We've been through A LOT. From our juvenile relationship, it has blossomed into something deeper and more meaningful. He's pointed out my weaknesses, provided encouragement whenever I felt immensely depressed, and laughed with me when I'm on top of the world. I've endured (yes endured!) his trials at home, provided any help I could even though it was emotionally distressing for me. For what reason, I don't quite know. That's the meaning of love, perhaps? N's stint in law school has made him profoundly philosophical and rhetorical - which can be really annoying to some, but which I find has expanded his and our scope of perspectives on life. There's no hard and fast rule to lots of things, and our conversations have become more thought-provoking and less superficial. Nothing is as fixed as it seems. Hmm sounds quite like architecture huh. This only makes me convinced that it's been planned.

It makes me feel really annoyed when I encounter really narrow-minded people. Society has been driven for nothing but success. Success has no other meaning but material wealth and social status. People are getting emptied - spiritually and socially. Friends and relationships are lost because everyone is so caught up with themselves. It's all about me me me!!!

"I'm angry with you, because you hurt me! I'm going to break us apart because I shall harbour the bitterness in my heart and not learn to forgive."

"I shall love, because I know I'll receive something in return. So if I get nothing, sorry~ love's gone."

It's basically a one-sided love affair. I feel sad that people close to me have become this way. Family especially. :( I don't deny I'm absolutely free from this selfish mentality, but after knowing God and believing in Him, I feel compelled to live life the way He planned, where the "normal" which society has accepted, is abnormal in His terms! It's difficult, and I've particularly struggled with it over the past few days because the hurt has lingered around for too long.

I want success to be with nothing else but God. I want to grow with Him and make His prophesy true. I want to be the messenger of faith, peace and healing that He's planned for me. But I know the only obstacle for me right now is my transformation. To overcome my own bitterness and resolve the hurt that's been residing and growing in me for the past decade. I want to learn to forgive, which I learnt, is not about forgetting - but to learn to "let go of the person's neck". I want to challenge my shy personality and let my compassion overflow. It's a struggle I face, partly because I'm behaving the way society acknowledges, and my own fear of failure. :( I also want to know the ministry I've been planned for and be able to make a positive change with the people around me.

Woah, I've typed nearly 1300 words. 0_0
But it feels good to let it all out. :)

:D

if i were to have a dog in the future...

it'll most likely be a corgi pupoooooo!!

observe..

the stubby stumpy paws, the rubby tummy body and the alert pointy ears. what's there not to love? :D

All Stitched Up

I just had my tooth implant operation yesterday. It was a simple procedure of screwing some piece of metal into my gum. At least it did not feel as scary as the tooth extraction. Haha so it is baby food or old man food for the next few weeks or at least until I remove my stitches. Thanks dear for accompanying me to the dentist to give me moral support, honestly I was more scared of this than the operation I had last time to sew up my forehead hahaha. Dunno why, perhaps it was that scary dentist who traumatised me when I was young during my root canal treatment. Anyway the treatment involved cutting open a flap of my gum, screw the metal base of the implant into my gum bone, and then adding some cement and bone fragments to stimulate bone growth there. So now the onus is on my body to produce bone at that area, so I must drink more soya milk or calcium. No cow milk becos the bone fragments used is extracted from cow bone, so there maybe an issue of tissue rejection. Haha so now I got moomoo implants in me. Anyway I am just glad that it is all over and I can just rest and concentrate on recovering.

Haha and to coincide with this is the long weekend, well not so long since I would be working on monday but then at least it is a complete weekend. Perhaps we would catch the movie UP today or have a nice meal together. Hehehe looking forward to it. Also looking forward to serve the children at church today as they do their 40 mins of prayer. Another highlight of the week was volunteering at APSN Delta Senior School where I played soccer with their soccer team. It is just heartwarming to see how their teacher/coach manages to inspire them in whatever he say and do. And he is such an inspiring individual, with the stature and the voice and the mannerism to go along. He looks somewhat over-qualified for the job, but then I guess that is where his heart lies, to serve the underprivileged of society. Well, maybe they are not so underprivileged, cos when they play you can see the pure unadulterated joy in their countenance, and it is just infectious. Haha and they really look up to people like us who dun interact with them often, and yet are willing to take time off to spend time with them. I really wish I can go down more often, it really takes the grind off the hectic schedule of work and makes one more human.

Lastly, hahaha just to share abit of my thoughts on the book I am reading now which is THE CRAFTSMAN by Richard Sennett. Basically the main argument of the book is that we should all strive to do whatever our craft is to the best of ability and not for the sake of performance bonuses or other economic rewards. We should take pride and joy in whatever God has ordained us to do and take it to our human limits. But the journey is difficult and becos of technology, human skill has taken a backend row with machinery replacing human skill or the lack of in many areas. But then we should still be adaptive and find our niche area and develop a skill in it. Perhaps that is what I should do, instead of being a jack of all trades, it is perhaps time to develop a mastery of one. Hahaha I wonder what that should be.

So, before I sign off, hahaha just wanna say a big thank you to my dear for being there for me and for supporting in times when I need it. Sorry for the times when I was being unreasonable and all the difficult times together. But then thanks for sticking around all these years. Love you so much dear.

copy paste.

there's something which i can't stand..
and that's something to do with how some people pose in pictures.

photo 1 - tilt head 10deg to the left.
photo 2 - tilt head 10 deg to the right.
photo 3 - tilt head 5 deg down.
.
.
.
.
photo X - tilt head to the xth deg - facing left/ right/ down.
( 5< x <10)

eyes, eyebrows and smile are frozen in place in every single photo.
it's as if the face has been cut and pasted in every photo in p/s.
rawr!!! doesn't help that the make-up defeats its purpose. :(

ok i've finished bitching. the end.

The years that went by

The previous post is very touching and it drove me to tears. And it made me reflect on the years that went by. We have really came a long way with each other through the good and bad times, and also the ups and downs. I am really thankful that you gave me the chance to take care of you and also share my life with you. Thank you dear for supporting me through the times when I needed help the most. Without you I would not be able to do alot of things.

For example, without your help during my A levels, I dun think I would have been able to make it to law school. Hahah my maths was really super bad. Thank God and thank you for everything. Also without your help, I dun think I would have been able to prepare so well for all my lessons that I taught the kids at Sunday School. Without you, I would not be able to organise things like games day. Still remember how you painstakingly folded the stars for the young pre-schoolers, such a sweet gesture.

Although the road here has not been exactly smooth, but it is through good times and bad times that our love grows stronger. I thank God for all that happened, putting our relationship to the test so that it can only grow stronger. I am still looking forward to the promise of the little cottage facing the sea. Dunno where that vision may take us, but I know that we would enjoy our adventure together this whole life.

So as we celebrate the 8th year together, I pray that God will draw us closer and help us to grow stronger as a couple. Furthermore, I pray that we would be able to complete our life adventure together and look back with fond memories of our experience. Love you so much dear.

N

8

Today's date marks the 8th anniversary of our relationship together. I'm not bouncing off the walls at excitement, but I feel as if my face is lit by a secret smile and there's a warm glow of contentment just thinking about what we've been through together. It isn't a super dramatic soap opera, but whatever we've faced has only served to strengthen our relationship as a couple.

I was hesitant to get together with N initially, since he's my first and all. But somehow things fell into place and I realised that I was starting to like him a lot. So much that I thought to myself, 'Hey maybe things CAN work out.' But that was before he officially and nervously asked me whether 'he could take care of me.' *blush* So anyhow there was the innocent dating thing, bringing me out to pulau ubin for cycling trips, having lunch after school, sending me back home with the long bus journeys before we got serious.

I realised I was comfortable with him and we could talk just about anything and most importantly, he already LIKED me and wanted to develop a you-and-me to an 'us'. lol. So it was a smooth transition to getting together, but of course I'm not going to ignore the fact that I was REALLY NERVOUS about it!

Naturally the first few years had quite a few ups and downs. I had to know what it's like playing the role of a girlfriend, being a lover and a confidant, getting acquainted with his family, keeping up with my studies and not daydream too much. Hahaha. We quarrelled quite a bit, with plenty of cold wars but from there we learnt about our characters and learnt to communicate better with each other. I was also developing a sense of self-awareness, like I had to explain "WHY I was angry" even if I didn't know why I was pissed off in the first place :P

I'm fortunate that N was and still is! very serious about us and not like the other boys I heard about. *shudder*

I really appreciate his thoughtful comments whenever I confide in him, and always giving it his all in order to make me happy, though sometimes with unintended results. :P

I guess there's no one definition for love. It's rather hard to describe it in a sentence or even a paragraph. It's just a warm fuzzy feeling that makes you feel on top of the world and that's the way I feel about N till now. :)

Happy anniversay N, I'll see u in a bit! :D

:(

getting grossed out by the snot that's coming out of my nose in droves, yet feeling quite relieved that i can breathe more easily.

eww.

:(

my abs are getting a workout though.

:)

*droool*

I'm seriously loving this bag I found from Free People. What a delicious mix of rope, canvas and leather!

Happy baggie find courtesy of Oh Joy!

haaacho!!

Was as sick as a toad yesterday, sneezing countless times and blowing my blocked nose even more. What was worse is that my eyes were burning and throat up in flames and I couldn't really stand more than 15 mins to iron clothes. Felt really miserable and I just couldn't fall asleep in front of the tv because I didn't really want to sleep in my bedroom.

So I followed N's advice and took a flu tablet and slept for 1.5 hrs. Woke up feeling much better, had dinner and slept again at 8pm. Woke up today at 9am, with the heatiness and sore throat all gone. The blocked nose is much better now, at least I can breathe through my nostrils.

Yay! :)

the HORRORRRRR

I just found out that Freitag's stopped producing its iconic backpack, the Bonanza! Boohoo I don't know how long it's been already, since I haven't been to their website for ages. But they didn't even send me an email! :(

so upset.
sulk. :(

mm?

Think I've lost my blogging mojo, nothing new is happening in my life right now, except that my room is 90% clean, most things have been packed and rearranged to their appropriate places, I've dumped more than 20 bags of rubbish, including old school notes.

I've watched a couple of movies, read quite a few books, think I'll update that on the sidebar. I've somewhat restored my sleep debt, I made it to Penang, enjoyed myself immensely in the company of friends, burp! So what else is new?

I've customised a graduation present for myself from forestprints, courtesy of N (more on that when it arrives). I've drooled at Cath Kidston bags which Fie Japan stocks (O,O). I've gone gaga over a basket bag I saw at Muji, to which the sales assistant confidently replied that all stocks were sold out at all 3 branches. The net-savvy me decided to trawl all over the internet for possible stocks, but the closest I could get was internet pictures of it.

And to which, I found!!!!! the next day at the branch at Paragon.
Tsk tsk!!! This concludes my third experience of never trusting the words of salespeople, and to rely on the sole effort of going to every outlet possible to get what you want.

And the day after getting the said basket bag from Muji (how could I resist?), I found yet another similar looking basket bag at Pottery Barn. Mmmmm.. Ho hum.



This concludes my non-blog-worthy life. The end.
Mmmm I feel like having a warm creamy soup now.. :Þ

pluhhh.

I'm feeling a little disappointed.

Imagine picking a present, and with your heart a-skipping and giving the present away, hoping that the recipient will like it. So the surprise takes a little explanation, and before it's complete, "Ok see how lah" is the response that I get.

Bummer.

Don't exactly know why I feel this way. It's not as if I could easily afford getting the present, being so broke and all. Perhaps I'm brought back to a time nearly a decade ago, where I wasn't given any chance of explaining myself, subject to frightful embarrassment of which is merely secondary, but often misjudged, prejudiced against, and brushed aside cruelly for countless times, of which I endured for a whole year.

Pardon the lengthy sentence. I've just completed reading Tess of D'urbervilles, Three Musketeers and on to Frankenstein now.

Perhaps it's the inability to capture the crit panels' fire-cracker thin attention span. Ok let's carry on. Ermmmm I was about to say something??

BOOHOOOO. Ok I need to get out of this wretched misery which I imposed on myself. After all, what I've done is a blessing, an action of my love and it's fortunately an unintentional reaction, but somehow quite predictably on the part of the other. It's not as if I need to get a tit-for-tat, to expect the reaction which I imagined and anticipated in my mind. So as Jesus loved unconditionally, so I too will follow.

That makes me feel much better now.
Carry on!

Happier posts will continue soon.
:)

*drooooool*

Need I say more? Hehe more goodness available here~

Thou shalt not consume...

Anymore fried food!
Bah!

Tis one of my favourite type of cooked food *surprise surprise* and yet I can't partake in any of it!
Just ate some of the frozen fried chicken variety and now my stomach's having a mini-orchestra in it.

Oh woessss.
It doesn't just happen to fried food though, also to instant noodles. All the unhealthy stuff.
RAWR!!

But I guess it's good though. Makes me stick to healthier dishes.
Hope my stomach makes it through Penang :D

New Perspective of Life

It has been awhile since I posted on this blog, perhaps I got too caught up with all that is going around me. Hahaha and guess where I am typing this entry now but on the bus home. I have just finished the book "Epic battles in the Last Days" by Rick Joyner and it was really quite a read. Now I am on to his second book. Hahaha I thought it was a boring book becos of the retro cover and the all so boring cover illustration, but thankfully I got to opening the book and started reading. Briefly, the book is about the battles in the last days between good and evil and how our lives are affected by this spiritual warfare that is going on. For the sake of C, I shall divulge too much of the contents lest it spoils the pleasure of reading the whole book. Anyway the greatest lesson I got from the book is that of humility. I feel that pride is my greatest enemy as it can suddenly overwhelm me and cause me to fall. I will always remember the verse that is constantly repeated throughout the book, which is God opposes the proud but exalts the humble. And I begin to reflect that maybe I got so much more stuff to clear up in my life. I begin to see the flaws that I have and sincerely want to change and get right, hopefully God will grant me the grace to do so. 

Anyway, I just had a nice night out with C and it was really just so nice to watch a movie and eat dinner in the dark. I really appreciate the time with you, love you so much dear. 

*gasp*

I've just started packing my room, it's been 5 hours and less than 5% done. Good grief. 0_0

There's so many things that need throwing away / repacking and finding space for all the miscellaneous things I've acquired over the years.

RAWR!!!
I feel so sweaty.
I feel so auntie.

Today...

I feel very tired.
Everyone's tired.
I can only just pray for the best.

Thank you Lord for constantly reminding me that You are always here for me.

:)

On my knees at the Cross.

I need to remember that God's always here for me, and with His Power, ANYTHING is possible.

Gifts

Giving gifts is my primary love language. I love giving gifts and receiving them. To me gifts captures the love and thoughtfulness of the giver at the moment of purchase and encapsulates it into a physical body. It sets the phrase "I was thinking of you" in stone and allows the receiver to recall this evidence of love everytime he / she picks up the gift.

However in our lifetime, we would receive countless gifts, some escape our memories while others will always be on our minds. These are "surprise gifts" and "first gifts".

First, I can't help to notice that gifts that are surprises usually stay cemented in the foreground of my mind. For instance, the card that C gave to me when I was sick in JC. It was given even before we were together, and to me it hinted that she liked me (*although I know it was not the case then) and that she cared. Whenever I stare at the card I get teleported back into time to my teenage years when the butterflies in my stomach would start to churn again.

Then there are "first" gifts that we will always remember. For example, my first birthday present was a tricycle that have been long gone. But I recall whenever I rode on it I would feel so loved by my parents. Then there was the first gift that I received from my best friend when I was in pri 6. Though it was a nondescript cassette tape by MLTR by it was that first gift made me experience the notion of brotherly love. Then there was the birthday gift by C which consisted of a big Blue coffee cup tat was handpainted by her. Until this day I have never used that cup to store any liquid. The only use I had for the cup was to stare at the paintwork and wonder what was running through her mind when the paint touched the ceramic.

Somehow, it is funny that we find it easier to remember the gifts that we receive rather than the ones that we give. But for those "given" gifts that we remember, it is usually those that were procured with monumental effort or those that made the receipient happy beyond measure. I will always remember the first CD I bought for C which cost me a week of my pocket money. And also the I will always remember the shine in her eyes when she received the little toys that I got for her as surprises. To me these are part of the countless beautiful memories that shape the landscape of our relationship. In turn, they create this picturesque scenery that just takes my breath away everytime I close my eyes and reflect about it.

C I just want to thank you for all that we shared and pray that God will continue to bless us and guide us in our walk together. And as you battle to meet the deadlines and the pressure to perform, may the peace of God be with you and whoever is with you in the room. That Christ's light will shine thru you and touch the lives of people around.

*Hopefully to cheer you up. Hehehe pootpoot!!!!1