Busyness, Busi-ness

Think time is a precious comodity when we grow up. Still miss the times when I could do nothing after school and just let the day pass. But I guess this is part of growing up and it is a sacrifice that all of us have to make.

Just watched Shrek on Sunday, and the character really spoke to my heart. Sometimes, I do feel like Shrek when there is so much to do and there is a longing to go back to the time when I had my personal space. But that is a selfish thought, because it means that all I am thinking about is myself. And the moral of the story in Shrek is that he did not appreciate all that he had until he lost it (of course momentarily).

It is so scary to think that life would become more stuff to do and less time for myself soon. I dunno how I am going to handle it, but I guess I would have to take things as they come.

For now, today would be a long day again and I cannot send Cheryl off to Korea today. Haiz. But I will get by.

Daily Bread

Thank God for such a nice day, waking up to a brillant sunrise with such a cool weather. Had a great sleep last night, and woke up early feeling refreshed. Then when I read today's daily bread passage and combined it with yesterday's passage I can see what is God doing through all this negativsim that I am facing now.

Yesterday's passage was talking about the generation after Joshua that did not see the mighty works of God and drifted away from God. And the theme of the passage was that God has no grandchildren because all of us have to experience God firsthand to seal our faith in Him. There is not second-generation christian and God calls each one of us to have a personal and first hand relationship with Him.

Then today's message really hit the message home. It is about Cain and Abel. Why did God value Abel's offering over Cain's. The reason is simple! Not that God does not like vegetables, but it is because Cain has not given up everything to God. It is the same as me, not all my dreams and wishes are given up to God. And then I remembered this phrase that someone told me awhile back. God cannot fix what is not broken. I must actively admit that I need fixing and break my spirit. Otherwise, God in His great love for us and with our best interests in mind would break us down using circumstances to draw us back to Him and to fix us up the right way. And we need to trust that God would make us whole and good according to His will rather than ours.

Nocturnal Reflections

It is past midnight and I have just reached home from work. It has really been a long day at work and I am putting on my headphones and listening to Chopin's Nocturne Op 9 no 2 which is so soothing. There are really alot of things on my mind these few days. I guess God is trying to tell me something but then I am really sometimes too tired to figure it out. I just feel so spent yet I have to actively tell myself to lift up my head and look forward. It is especially difficult when you are surrounded by people who are so negative about life at home and then you have to look at God only for inspiration. I would like to have someone to look up to here on earth, but I guess this is all part of the Christian life to look to God only. Ultimately, it is only in Him that we can put our trust. So I guess things will look up and I will somehow rediscover the joy of living this wonderful life with God by my side.

So I guess another major exercise finishes next week, I would have to get busy for any project that is handed to me cause everyone is on leave in June. Haha hopefully that turns out well too. Then I can only look forward to December for the next break which is more like getting busy again. Haha but I also remember that I should thank God for the nice trip to Europe that would not have been possible without His grace. Nevertheless, everything just seems so daunting now, perhaps it is because I am sleepy and tired now.

Now last two weeks I asked a youth whom I am mentoring to think about what his ambition or dream is. I also thought about mine. My dream is to travel around the world and meet people of all different cultures. I love meeting new people and been in places where the scars of modernisation are still scarce. I would also love to live near the sea and hear the sound of lapping waves before I sleep every night. I would love to every now and then be able to fly a small aircraft along the coastline and just open the window and breathe in the fresh sea breeze. Then I would also love to work as a lawyer or something in the legal industry, to face the mental challenge of finding the magical solution to convince the judge. I would love to wake up to nice pancakes and waffles with C at our porch, sipping coffee or tea while taking in the majestic scenery. I would also love to run along the coastline and watch the seagulls fly in and catch their breakfast while allowing the breeze to cool off my body. But I guess all this are just selfish dreams abt me, and I should look more towards the good of others. Sometimes I just feel so tired thinking about others that maybe inadvertently I want to think of myself.

But nvm I know I will get out of this knot soon enough. Before long I would be able to feel happy again~ I know it.

Dreamz

I would like to blog about a dream I had just only. It shows me in front of a large audience in a mooting (mock trial) competition. Normally I have the confidence and the pointers to deliver a more than decent argument. But this time round I walked to the podium with a guitar in hand and without my caselists and argument pointers. Then I put down the guitar somewhere near the podium and ran back towards my seat to get my notes. After getting the notes, I realised that I could not make sense of it and that everyone in the crowd was staring at me. And I was feeling exposed. So then I began to open my case, and everything fell apart. And along the way I heard people in the audience whispering advice to me, and I just latched on whatever they said, and then when another whispered a contradicting point into my ear I just blindly spoke it out too. Then people in the audience began to get rowdy and complained that I was contradicting myself. Then I told God please get me out of this and I woke up.

When I prayed and asked God for an explanation for the dream here is what I got. The only time when you feel exposed is when you are not real with people and you dun trust in God alone. And the one advice He is going me is to not to listen to too many "whispers" by other people when I am making decisions or doing stuff. Always know my stuff first, know what I want to do, pray for God to show me His direction and do it. And only take advice that is given in the open where it can be tested by the scrutiny of other God fearing people. Never ever take advice that are whispered into my ear unless it is the Holy Spirit whispering into my ear. Lastly, God is telling me to use the right tools and play to my strengths. Playing the guitar is not my strength, but speaking infront of people is, so use my strengths to do the right thing at the right time. Thank God for such a revelation.

Reflections

Been awhile since I blogged hahaha guess I got too busy to have time to sit down and reflect about the year that is going to be half gone. Wasn't it new year like yesterday, how time flies. So here I am at work now at 2218H staring at the computer and looking at the 1001 things that I have to do for the upcoming busy period at work. So much info to digest and still have to apply that info for work. And above all there are still deadlines to meet too. Not forgetting that when I check my email, there is still stuff to write and plan and coordinate for church. Haha I wish I had two CPUs in my brain. I guess I will survive.

So I decided to take a breather and reflect on the year that is almost half gone. Thought it was new year like yesterday, how time flies. First and foremost I would like to thank God for giving the opportunity to travel half round the world going to thailand, Europe and even Israel. It was really an eye opener and I was thinking that how blessed I am to be able to travel to so many places. It is really a stark contrast to me when I was young, I sat my first plane ride in JC2 cos my parents did not have the means to bring me on holidays. Hahah but like they all say the rest is history.

This year is also full of so many impt decisions that I have to make, and these decisions have long lasting effect on my life. Hopefully things would be turn out well. I think I am handling my ministry commitment fairly well, but I know God has everything in control even though many a times I feel overwhelmed.

Then recently, like yesterday, C and I had a heart to heart talk to put ourselves on the right page again. It was good, been able to be honest of our struggles. I really pray that God will give us both the strength and the love to support each other and edify one another. This is a really tiring time for both of us as the work piles up. But I pray that God will give us the strength to go through it all together.

Ok that is all for now, have to go back to work. zzz...