a 'personal' letter

yesterday was an extremely horrid day.. i was sick, down with a runny nose and was feeling slightly feverish.. to top it off, studio was on till late evening.. i was grateful that Norman stayed with me in the studio the night before, at least i had company cos the studio was practically empty, but i when i woke up the next day, i couldn't have felt worse. worse still, i couldn't think out a proper design.so the next best thing i could look forward to was gg home with Norman. Tho' he ended his class at 4, he agreed to wait for me. But who knows, he was too tired (according to him) and wanted to go home earlier. so i reluctantly agreed. (after all the waiting for him, and staying at his place while he went for soccer and whatever.. i don't really expect it to be reciprocated but.)
after tt, studio was terrible. i couldn't think right, felt as if i was floating, my flu(or whatever it is) was annoying and i was thinking about the long ride back home. alone. with all my shit to carry.i was thinking (still am) is it so terrible to wait for someone just a few more hours? i have done tt so so many times (despite not getting the work done cos i was tired or whatever) and the feeling of meeting ur loved one after that few hours erases all the agony of waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.....feels as if u have been taken for granted by someone selfish. just to go home and sleep. not taking care.
to make things worse ( i think i have used this phrase too many times) he went for soccer! tell me this. if you're too tired to even wait for someone, would u bloody hell go play stupid soccer? and get ur things stolen in the end? forgive me for being to blatant and callous. but i call that retribution. ha. it's chinese new year's eve now, and this is the worst (used too many times again) i have/ am going through.
i do not think (contrary to what u think that i think) that soccer is above me. i know it's ur love/hobby/interest/passion, and it's also abt having a good time with ur friends. but sometimes.. ur selflessness for the sport overides ur 'unselfishness'. don't know whether anyone of u (girls - if u happen to read this) has experienced this before. it's kind of ironic that a non-intensive thing such as sitting down and waiting can be less appealing than soccer when u are supposedly 'tired'. i seriously beg to question ur definition of 'tired'.thru' experience, i suppose i'm wasting time on this blog. cos nothing will ever come out of it. just like the past mistakes/experiences. i don't really wanna care anymore.