I am really impressed with the long post that C has just written. A very well written and deep expression of what's on her mind. I understand that it is difficult and hard to face all that she is facing now. I really admire her mental fortitude sometimes when I see her facing all that she has to in school. The long hours, the unappreciativeness from the tutors and even the emotional stress from wondering whether the work would be up to the tutor's standard. But I guess that phase is over now, and she can look forward to other stuff.
Anyway, we have just came back from our KL trip where it was food and shopping and more food and shopping. Haha think we expended more energy walking around the shopping centre than anything else. And we also did the touristy stuff of taking 1001 photos of the Petronas towers. But the structure was really nice. Oooo Dvds are really cheap in M'sia. Bought a few shows that I wanted to watch but did not have the time and patience to download. There was the japanese anime Skycrawlers. The action sequence is really good better than top gun.
Now about the good food, the chicken wings at Jalan Alor is really good. The skin melts in your mouth with the magical seasoning that is just so shiok. Plus the chilli sauce is really magical dunno what they added to the stuff. It is like dope. I am so going back to KL to get my chicken wing fix. Additionally, M'sia got A&W hahaha. Root Beer Floats in glass mugs just rocks!!! What more can I say. KL is really food paradise.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
overwhelmed
There's lots of things in my mind right now. I'm thinking about architecture and the discipline I've been involved in for 6 years. I'm thinking about my relationship with N, and thinking about why I'm feeling what I'm feeling. I'm thinking about God and what He wants me to be. I'm thinking about my family, and what I can do for them. I'm thinking of my future, where a huge foggy cloud hangs in front of me.
:(
I feel like I'm going to burst with all this thinking.
Just had a lunch meet-up with my former year2 tutor, RT, along with M and B of MIBCE fame. Anyhooo, I was unsure what we were going to chat about, having not seen him since graduating from yr2 and him going back to NZ. I honestly hated the life in school. I was unsure what architecture was, and the proper way to go about it. Design was all subjective, there wasn't any hard and fast rule, and some tutors left the students with more questions than answers with no shred of motivation. But thinking about it, I now feel that perhaps this is what God wants to have me learn. I've always rested on having sure knowledge, right answers, and was pretty successful in the rote-learning method. Answers came from books, teachers, notes and countless exam papers.
Architecture and design on the other hand, hold no hard and fast rule. Comments come from every direction, some are constructive, some to purposely question your conviction with the design, some to demoralise you, and others to say "yes". As an adult (no more spoon-feeding huh!!), you were held to be able to make your own judgements and see your ideas through. But being so naive and blur, sometimes we're led onto the wrong track, and having been brought up in "yes/no" methodology for more than a decade, it's a hard smack in the face. Of course my grades weren't as fantastic as I hoped it would have, but without this strenuous course to break me down, I don't think I would be able to reflect as much if I were somewhere else. Yes I've realised this after graduating, but it's not too late for some motivational revelation, no?
Architecture school does not just teach you about architectural design. Hmm what do I actually remember from school? Not much theoretical knowledge, my mental calculations have drastically deteriorated, but it has shaped me to what I am today. The stress faced in school is legendary and phenomenal. Friends from other faculties hear stories about our life and are able to emphatise with us on a superficial level, before they go back to their books books and more books, and maybe some projects here and there. Your endurance boundaries are pushed, emotions stretched to inhuman limits, and you start to wonder "If yr 2 can be this stressful, what more about yr 4?!" My friend, it is possible to endure 4 years in aki school, and more.
What made me realise this possibility is the presence of great friends. True friends that provide moral support despite the competitive nature of the course, friends that see you cry, see you smile and see your grossly distorted face after you nap flat on the table. I'm terribly thankful of them, and thankful that God has set our paths to meet and merge. I thank God that yes, although I can honestly say that architecture is not my true passion, but architecture is and was the best opportunity for me to be shaped according to His plans, and meet the people I now know.
Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing to encounter really crappy tutors, for they made the ones who mattered really shine through; and for the better tutors I had, the best I could ever have. These tutors - possibly as few as the number of eyes I have on my face, were the ones where I feel I've learnt something tangible and practical to my development as an architecture student. It made architecture alive, something to understand, something to love. I guess I do love architecture, I love spatial experiences, and how it has trained me to think - from details (not terribly good at) to macro-level intangible things - economics, social behaviour, politics, blahhhh - why things are done the way they are, and how there's more than meets the eye. So yah. I've been through lots of ups and downs, having signed myself up for architecture school in the past, without a hint of knowledge what was to come, and survived the most tremendous stress I can ever think of.
Of course architecture school would not have been possible without my dear N. He was the one who suggested I switch my choice from geography to architecture - well I'm not really blaming him, am I? :P He's seen my worst, and my sweetest, my ugliest - pimples, eyebags galore, and my most spiritually emptiest. (Forgive my confounded grammar.) We've been through A LOT. From our juvenile relationship, it has blossomed into something deeper and more meaningful. He's pointed out my weaknesses, provided encouragement whenever I felt immensely depressed, and laughed with me when I'm on top of the world. I've endured (yes endured!) his trials at home, provided any help I could even though it was emotionally distressing for me. For what reason, I don't quite know. That's the meaning of love, perhaps? N's stint in law school has made him profoundly philosophical and rhetorical - which can be really annoying to some, but which I find has expanded his and our scope of perspectives on life. There's no hard and fast rule to lots of things, and our conversations have become more thought-provoking and less superficial. Nothing is as fixed as it seems. Hmm sounds quite like architecture huh. This only makes me convinced that it's been planned.
It makes me feel really annoyed when I encounter really narrow-minded people. Society has been driven for nothing but success. Success has no other meaning but material wealth and social status. People are getting emptied - spiritually and socially. Friends and relationships are lost because everyone is so caught up with themselves. It's all about me me me!!!
"I'm angry with you, because you hurt me! I'm going to break us apart because I shall harbour the bitterness in my heart and not learn to forgive."
"I shall love, because I know I'll receive something in return. So if I get nothing, sorry~ love's gone."
It's basically a one-sided love affair. I feel sad that people close to me have become this way. Family especially. :( I don't deny I'm absolutely free from this selfish mentality, but after knowing God and believing in Him, I feel compelled to live life the way He planned, where the "normal" which society has accepted, is abnormal in His terms! It's difficult, and I've particularly struggled with it over the past few days because the hurt has lingered around for too long.
I want success to be with nothing else but God. I want to grow with Him and make His prophesy true. I want to be the messenger of faith, peace and healing that He's planned for me. But I know the only obstacle for me right now is my transformation. To overcome my own bitterness and resolve the hurt that's been residing and growing in me for the past decade. I want to learn to forgive, which I learnt, is not about forgetting - but to learn to "let go of the person's neck". I want to challenge my shy personality and let my compassion overflow. It's a struggle I face, partly because I'm behaving the way society acknowledges, and my own fear of failure. :( I also want to know the ministry I've been planned for and be able to make a positive change with the people around me.
Woah, I've typed nearly 1300 words. 0_0
But it feels good to let it all out. :)
:D
:(
I feel like I'm going to burst with all this thinking.
Just had a lunch meet-up with my former year2 tutor, RT, along with M and B of MIBCE fame. Anyhooo, I was unsure what we were going to chat about, having not seen him since graduating from yr2 and him going back to NZ. I honestly hated the life in school. I was unsure what architecture was, and the proper way to go about it. Design was all subjective, there wasn't any hard and fast rule, and some tutors left the students with more questions than answers with no shred of motivation. But thinking about it, I now feel that perhaps this is what God wants to have me learn. I've always rested on having sure knowledge, right answers, and was pretty successful in the rote-learning method. Answers came from books, teachers, notes and countless exam papers.
Architecture and design on the other hand, hold no hard and fast rule. Comments come from every direction, some are constructive, some to purposely question your conviction with the design, some to demoralise you, and others to say "yes". As an adult (no more spoon-feeding huh!!), you were held to be able to make your own judgements and see your ideas through. But being so naive and blur, sometimes we're led onto the wrong track, and having been brought up in "yes/no" methodology for more than a decade, it's a hard smack in the face. Of course my grades weren't as fantastic as I hoped it would have, but without this strenuous course to break me down, I don't think I would be able to reflect as much if I were somewhere else. Yes I've realised this after graduating, but it's not too late for some motivational revelation, no?
Architecture school does not just teach you about architectural design. Hmm what do I actually remember from school? Not much theoretical knowledge, my mental calculations have drastically deteriorated, but it has shaped me to what I am today. The stress faced in school is legendary and phenomenal. Friends from other faculties hear stories about our life and are able to emphatise with us on a superficial level, before they go back to their books books and more books, and maybe some projects here and there. Your endurance boundaries are pushed, emotions stretched to inhuman limits, and you start to wonder "If yr 2 can be this stressful, what more about yr 4?!" My friend, it is possible to endure 4 years in aki school, and more.
What made me realise this possibility is the presence of great friends. True friends that provide moral support despite the competitive nature of the course, friends that see you cry, see you smile and see your grossly distorted face after you nap flat on the table. I'm terribly thankful of them, and thankful that God has set our paths to meet and merge. I thank God that yes, although I can honestly say that architecture is not my true passion, but architecture is and was the best opportunity for me to be shaped according to His plans, and meet the people I now know.
Perhaps it wasn't such a bad thing to encounter really crappy tutors, for they made the ones who mattered really shine through; and for the better tutors I had, the best I could ever have. These tutors - possibly as few as the number of eyes I have on my face, were the ones where I feel I've learnt something tangible and practical to my development as an architecture student. It made architecture alive, something to understand, something to love. I guess I do love architecture, I love spatial experiences, and how it has trained me to think - from details (not terribly good at) to macro-level intangible things - economics, social behaviour, politics, blahhhh - why things are done the way they are, and how there's more than meets the eye. So yah. I've been through lots of ups and downs, having signed myself up for architecture school in the past, without a hint of knowledge what was to come, and survived the most tremendous stress I can ever think of.
Of course architecture school would not have been possible without my dear N. He was the one who suggested I switch my choice from geography to architecture - well I'm not really blaming him, am I? :P He's seen my worst, and my sweetest, my ugliest - pimples, eyebags galore, and my most spiritually emptiest. (Forgive my confounded grammar.) We've been through A LOT. From our juvenile relationship, it has blossomed into something deeper and more meaningful. He's pointed out my weaknesses, provided encouragement whenever I felt immensely depressed, and laughed with me when I'm on top of the world. I've endured (yes endured!) his trials at home, provided any help I could even though it was emotionally distressing for me. For what reason, I don't quite know. That's the meaning of love, perhaps? N's stint in law school has made him profoundly philosophical and rhetorical - which can be really annoying to some, but which I find has expanded his and our scope of perspectives on life. There's no hard and fast rule to lots of things, and our conversations have become more thought-provoking and less superficial. Nothing is as fixed as it seems. Hmm sounds quite like architecture huh. This only makes me convinced that it's been planned.
It makes me feel really annoyed when I encounter really narrow-minded people. Society has been driven for nothing but success. Success has no other meaning but material wealth and social status. People are getting emptied - spiritually and socially. Friends and relationships are lost because everyone is so caught up with themselves. It's all about me me me!!!
"I'm angry with you, because you hurt me! I'm going to break us apart because I shall harbour the bitterness in my heart and not learn to forgive."
"I shall love, because I know I'll receive something in return. So if I get nothing, sorry~ love's gone."
It's basically a one-sided love affair. I feel sad that people close to me have become this way. Family especially. :( I don't deny I'm absolutely free from this selfish mentality, but after knowing God and believing in Him, I feel compelled to live life the way He planned, where the "normal" which society has accepted, is abnormal in His terms! It's difficult, and I've particularly struggled with it over the past few days because the hurt has lingered around for too long.
I want success to be with nothing else but God. I want to grow with Him and make His prophesy true. I want to be the messenger of faith, peace and healing that He's planned for me. But I know the only obstacle for me right now is my transformation. To overcome my own bitterness and resolve the hurt that's been residing and growing in me for the past decade. I want to learn to forgive, which I learnt, is not about forgetting - but to learn to "let go of the person's neck". I want to challenge my shy personality and let my compassion overflow. It's a struggle I face, partly because I'm behaving the way society acknowledges, and my own fear of failure. :( I also want to know the ministry I've been planned for and be able to make a positive change with the people around me.
Woah, I've typed nearly 1300 words. 0_0
But it feels good to let it all out. :)
:D
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
if i were to have a dog in the future...
it'll most likely be a corgi pupoooooo!!
observe..
the stubby stumpy paws, the rubby tummy body and the alert pointy ears. what's there not to love? :D Saturday, August 08, 2009
All Stitched Up
I just had my tooth implant operation yesterday. It was a simple procedure of screwing some piece of metal into my gum. At least it did not feel as scary as the tooth extraction. Haha so it is baby food or old man food for the next few weeks or at least until I remove my stitches. Thanks dear for accompanying me to the dentist to give me moral support, honestly I was more scared of this than the operation I had last time to sew up my forehead hahaha. Dunno why, perhaps it was that scary dentist who traumatised me when I was young during my root canal treatment. Anyway the treatment involved cutting open a flap of my gum, screw the metal base of the implant into my gum bone, and then adding some cement and bone fragments to stimulate bone growth there. So now the onus is on my body to produce bone at that area, so I must drink more soya milk or calcium. No cow milk becos the bone fragments used is extracted from cow bone, so there maybe an issue of tissue rejection. Haha so now I got moomoo implants in me. Anyway I am just glad that it is all over and I can just rest and concentrate on recovering.
Haha and to coincide with this is the long weekend, well not so long since I would be working on monday but then at least it is a complete weekend. Perhaps we would catch the movie UP today or have a nice meal together. Hehehe looking forward to it. Also looking forward to serve the children at church today as they do their 40 mins of prayer. Another highlight of the week was volunteering at APSN Delta Senior School where I played soccer with their soccer team. It is just heartwarming to see how their teacher/coach manages to inspire them in whatever he say and do. And he is such an inspiring individual, with the stature and the voice and the mannerism to go along. He looks somewhat over-qualified for the job, but then I guess that is where his heart lies, to serve the underprivileged of society. Well, maybe they are not so underprivileged, cos when they play you can see the pure unadulterated joy in their countenance, and it is just infectious. Haha and they really look up to people like us who dun interact with them often, and yet are willing to take time off to spend time with them. I really wish I can go down more often, it really takes the grind off the hectic schedule of work and makes one more human.
Lastly, hahaha just to share abit of my thoughts on the book I am reading now which is THE CRAFTSMAN by Richard Sennett. Basically the main argument of the book is that we should all strive to do whatever our craft is to the best of ability and not for the sake of performance bonuses or other economic rewards. We should take pride and joy in whatever God has ordained us to do and take it to our human limits. But the journey is difficult and becos of technology, human skill has taken a backend row with machinery replacing human skill or the lack of in many areas. But then we should still be adaptive and find our niche area and develop a skill in it. Perhaps that is what I should do, instead of being a jack of all trades, it is perhaps time to develop a mastery of one. Hahaha I wonder what that should be.
So, before I sign off, hahaha just wanna say a big thank you to my dear for being there for me and for supporting in times when I need it. Sorry for the times when I was being unreasonable and all the difficult times together. But then thanks for sticking around all these years. Love you so much dear.
Haha and to coincide with this is the long weekend, well not so long since I would be working on monday but then at least it is a complete weekend. Perhaps we would catch the movie UP today or have a nice meal together. Hehehe looking forward to it. Also looking forward to serve the children at church today as they do their 40 mins of prayer. Another highlight of the week was volunteering at APSN Delta Senior School where I played soccer with their soccer team. It is just heartwarming to see how their teacher/coach manages to inspire them in whatever he say and do. And he is such an inspiring individual, with the stature and the voice and the mannerism to go along. He looks somewhat over-qualified for the job, but then I guess that is where his heart lies, to serve the underprivileged of society. Well, maybe they are not so underprivileged, cos when they play you can see the pure unadulterated joy in their countenance, and it is just infectious. Haha and they really look up to people like us who dun interact with them often, and yet are willing to take time off to spend time with them. I really wish I can go down more often, it really takes the grind off the hectic schedule of work and makes one more human.
Lastly, hahaha just to share abit of my thoughts on the book I am reading now which is THE CRAFTSMAN by Richard Sennett. Basically the main argument of the book is that we should all strive to do whatever our craft is to the best of ability and not for the sake of performance bonuses or other economic rewards. We should take pride and joy in whatever God has ordained us to do and take it to our human limits. But the journey is difficult and becos of technology, human skill has taken a backend row with machinery replacing human skill or the lack of in many areas. But then we should still be adaptive and find our niche area and develop a skill in it. Perhaps that is what I should do, instead of being a jack of all trades, it is perhaps time to develop a mastery of one. Hahaha I wonder what that should be.
So, before I sign off, hahaha just wanna say a big thank you to my dear for being there for me and for supporting in times when I need it. Sorry for the times when I was being unreasonable and all the difficult times together. But then thanks for sticking around all these years. Love you so much dear.
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